There is a way out

I find it to be a most frightening realization that the mind is capable of harboring both positive and negative emotions. How many of us have not heard of Jekyll and Hyde? I believe that we are all made of a variety of personalities that is our survival mechanism that allows us to surface through all situations. Unfortunately the mind does go a rye and becomes out of control and there we see that people do have fertile soil of the mind which is capable of growing evil. I find it difficult to understand how love and hatred can grow in the same soil, yet it does and often, one strangles out the other to be the dominate of personalities.
I have always looked at it as the calm before a storm, I found more fear in the positive, loving friendly personality, knowing that at anytime he could change and it was possible that something would set him off. I remember a friend who took one look in his eyes and said he has the eyes of the devil. I do believe that there are powers and sources stronger then we and that evil and good do battle. The army of both good and evil recruit daily to strengthen their hold.
I had looked at this from many levels and wondered exactly what what missing in a personality that was quick to jump to the side of evil. I tried not to dwell, but I must say every time he was close to me, I knew what he was capable of something violent. Some of the memories were animalistic, you teach children not to bite and yet you confront a adult battling and using such a vicious technique to battle. The closer he came to me, the more I feared. I tend to believe it's the extremes that are difficult reminders of what a human is capable of.
One story to many of hostile behavior, destruction and violence, all I can really say is evil does have a foot hold in our community. We can have millions that are law biding, well adjusted individuals but it takes just one to disrupt a whole community. Dwelling on it took me to another level to the seed of evil and how it gets it foot hold in the first place. Then I had to look at the mass of people and realize that IQ, mentality, upbringing and lack of upbringing all played a part on who people are and how they react under stress.
The memories fade but at times I find them surfacing, I laid still in the night and thoughts creeped into all corners of my mind and I imagined all the windows in the house bursting out and shattering at the same time, It was my minds call for help. Help! I said Help!
It is the calm right now, I have been here before, I recognize the pattern that I allow myself to be caught up in. What awaits me, how do I handle it? Maybe I am wrong I tell myself, maybe this time is different, could it be I am just overreacting. Trust yourself, trust instinct, dysfunction is apparent and it frightens me.
I have made changes to control the situations, I had the hand gun dismantled so it no longer could fire, that brought a certain amount of peace to my mind. I also know when hatred is raging that it can carry out its evil in many ways. I wanted to let it all go and to believe I was wrong and that he had changed. My mind flashed back to that moment where he held that loaded gun, ah in the name of love, I can' t live with out you. I was so frightened, he took a beautiful place and introduced it to hell. My eyes swell, but no tears fall. I am stronger and smarter, there is away out and I will not allow senseless emotion to guide me into the arms of evil.

Revenge

We are our own worst enemy

Speaking with my elder sister, I found her pain, her disappointment and I found that her anger had her on the path of revenge. Is she revenging a wrong or is her resentment getting the better of her spirit? Let it go I said, the sooner you quit punishing your self, the sooner you will heal. She said I have to do it, I have them make them pay.
Something horrible is brewing within in the family, the vengeance in which she is planning on taking will do nothing but disrupt every one's life. My first thoughts are why is she doing this? It's much like misdirected anger, I find she wants to inflict a punishment on family members who indeed crossed the path of injustice. I asked her what will come of it, what do you think you will gain by allowing anger and hatred a place in your heart and soul? Revenge she said, they will pay it is my revenge.
I felt troubled at her words, I felt as if she was taking advantage of a mental health issue of someone who is now gone. So if your not helping yourself and your not helping the person who was desperately in need, then who are you hurting? I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to wish it all away. The turmoil within me is cautious as if there maybe truth to what she says, will she be stopping another hell from happening or encouraging another chapter that consist of page after page of the unthinkable.
I gave it some thought she is talking murder and health issues, if there is truth who will suffer next from the hands of evil and if there is no truth to her accusations, how many family's will suffer from such direct vengeance?
The negativity of the last few weeks is overwhelming and it drains the spirit. Part of me doesn't want the horror to come out. If a person speaks many times the same story, does the story to them gain some measure of reality for them? I see a family drowning with no help to be found, surely they will be there own demise.
Truly it is becoming a horror flick in the making. Where does vengeance fit in, with those who need mental help. With many people independtly giving me their side of the story, I view many beginnings and many endings to the hell that waits.
Nothing good will come of this so revenge, only pain, hatred and evil.

Albert Einstein

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - -- Albert Einstein