Look Beyond the Bars Of The Mind

What did I expect would happen if I came out with the stories from childhood? Could something be learned from it? My dearest friend said to me, that there is not a family out there that doesn't have a " skeleton in the closet." He said we all are dysfunctional at something, some of us have more resources, some more intelligence and still others more means to cope.
We are on a journey of experience, where it leads and when, is in some way in the hands of fate. Both good and bad things will happen, people close to us will die, have a car accident, have social issues, drugs, alcohol, mental health.So numerous are our experiences that it would be impossible to list them for every bad one we could list a good one , a child is born , a couple becomes married, a teenager starts their journey and the list goes on.
On this journey we know but one thing, we are born to experience and as we continue on the journey we will build a library of knowledge for the next generation. If we fail to share in this knowledge, then the answers will go unheard and again people will continue to point fingers and blame rather then seek the alternative behavior.
My intent was never on a path of revenge or to place blame. No one is ever sure how they would respond to another crisis, because no matter how similar every situation is , each is just a little bit different. Then how do we learn? We learn that there is opportunity, outreach and self responsibility and most of all we remember that no one is capable of holding the spirit down, for we are free to change the path and to build a better future.
If it were all so black and white, everyone would look the same, react the same and character would no longer exist. But we are different, our thoughts different, our response different with the thread of humanity tying us together. Some of us more emotional others less. Find your strength and build on it, for each of us is just that filled weaknesses and strengths.
I read this article where researchers have found they can use drugs to wipe away single, specific memories while leaving other memories intact. By injecting an amnesia drug at the right time, when a subject was recalling a particular thought, neuro-scientists discovered they could disrupt the way the memory is stored and even make it disappear.
I thought what one memory would I want to erase, I couldn't think of one. The worst thing that could happen to a person is to forget a pain physical or emotional. It made me laugh as I remember my first gall bladder attack, rolling around in pain. I quickly learned what not to eat so not to have it reoccur. If we removed memories would we remove the self discipline that comes with memories. My mind was bouncing around as I thought of soldiers and the memories from war that haunted them, yet still I think to forget erases our response to find the answers.
We should forget what our individual hell is , maybe we should try to prevent or learn to deal with it.
I have a few dreams that are recurrent, one is this little girl in a aged old train station, I see her behind the barred windows, I want to let her free. I try to get close to her and the closer I get the quicker she fades away. When I peer into the window, I see a little girls bedroom, perfect and orderly, nothing out of place. Each time I have the dream it happens exactly the same way.When I moved from the city to the rural area, I felt again a closeness to her, like the building now had a location, I looked out where a old foundation had once stood and I could visualize her standing their behind the bars of the window. I have had the same dream since I can remember.

Choice

It is very difficult to look in the mirror after we have faltered and accept responsibility, it is much easier to place blame on someone else. This is one of the weaknesses of human nature. To blame, to place the responsibility upon another in a form of an accusation. This is our way of ridding ourselves of guilt, we pass it on to some one else, when truthfully it matters so very little why something has occured,or who is truly responsible, as it is to prevent a negative issue from reoccuring. We have the ability to revamp or as they say to recreate the path we are traveling. The truth is that most things that happen in our life are based on a simple yes or no answer. It is that simple, then why is it so difficult to
get beyond our mistakes?

I reviewed a response to the year 2oo5 when many decision were coming into play in my life. I really wouldn't have thought to reread except that someone had found it and sent it on to a friend, so I looked it over, at where I was standing two short years ago.



Thursday, July 21, 2005

Decisions
Decisions, those nasty little choices that keep popping up through the day. Clouded in judgment over the years I found that sheltering which is portrayed as a protectiveness is quite the opposite, it does very little to promote a foundation where growth can flourish. Stagnant life becomes a mere existence, rather then a contribution of self to the world around us. I battle the years of regression as I tackle each moment in the day to gain independence of thought and allow my inner self to reach its full capacity. The long journey had planted seeds of self doubt which have rooted within .You can imprison the body , setting limitations upon ones abilities . But you can’t hold on to the spirit within, that seeks to soar the heavens. The minds capabilities are unlimited. Finding the strength to not question what it is the heart feels and allowing freedom to overcome all obstacles.The strains of indeciveness grips when I least expect it.I find that I need stimulation and constant reminders to encourage the journey forward. Hungry for the contact that comes with reaching out beyond the perimeters set in place many years ago. I find each person I come in contact with is a lesson in life and fuel for the days ahead

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My mind battles fiercely with my heart and soul.My heart to the wind to feel your embrace, my soul beside you as we journey in place.

Will You?

~

I felt those waves take me out to sea only to push me closer and then again retreat. So near to my heart and so distant away and when the moon lit night draws so ever near, I know that somehow my darling you'll be waiting there.

Emotion

It has been said that the word,

is mightier then the sword.

~~

I have felt the lashing out of words that pierce the heart and in anger have slung them back. Where does that make me stand upon the stage of righteousness ,If I lower myself to a path of briar?

~~~

Because you cannot see,

does not make me blind.

A New Battle

When the past and the present meet, we find the burden of separation, for the bonding of the two surely shall overwhelm. I fear not what I can't change, but I fear where tomorrow's choices shall lead.

~~

It is as easy to give up as to fight,

but not as rewarding....

Tormented Heart

The Unicorn

Fragile the unicorns, no longer do they stand,
broken dreams and promises and the life that
we both planned.

The waves growing stronger, as if I am caught up in the sea and the closer to the shore I get, the more it pulls me back into the deep.

Don’t birth the negativity nor allow it to weigh you down, keep your head above the water and tread to safer ground.

Tiresome from teetering and holding to make believe, as surreal the moment, I know what is and isn’t reality.