I again question if ever aggression should be applied to discipline? I find it troubling, whether domestic or world wide issues. Though it has been said history repeats itself, I was sure as a people of the human race that we would have advanced to be smarter. It seems obvious that there are a few building blocks which are instilled, greed,jealousy, hatred and ignorance.With these general negative components to the human mind, we continue to breed people who don't understand that the walk through salvation comes with acceptance and love. It is sad enough that we have errors in judgment with nature that we don't need to compound the problems.
There is one thing that I have lived by my whole life and that is treat others as I want to be treated, this in itself eliminates a lot of ugliness, to bad everyone doesn't apply this to their daily actions. The world would definitely be a better place.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Lost but not forgotten
Speaking with a woman in her seventies yesterday one of the first things she said was I have been married for 54 years. Before I had a chance to say congratulations she had already spit out how mean he was and the physical and verbal abuse she had endured through out her marriage. Her bond with her children, her decision to stay in a marriage with a violent alcoholic and her new independence since his death. One thing that took me by surprise was despite the visuals scars that could be seen on her body she shared a little information that since his death it has been a transition to sleep alone. As I listened my mind raced, Saint, Martyr or Victim? Five children, no drivers license, her parents gone at an early age, isolation, no siblings. Wow! I thought how badly the odds were stacked against her.
One of the other women who was working their today was quite opposite in her early 20's married and divorced the first year of her marriage. Independent, confident and appeared on track, though inside still suffering from the broken dreams of a future with whom she had believed to be her partner in love and life.
The two women dealt with life in the times that they lived through. One endured, one got out before children were introduced to a marriage. I thought there is a method to God's madness on the road we travel, but honestly the power and the answer lie with in us. Education being key, I knew more than ever that maybe it wasn't about how to get out that was so important but identifying the poison traits of dysfunction before you ever enter into a relationship. I compared the two stories one had a support, friends family and a network, the other was alone in the world, without friends, isolated and alone. I now realized the importance of the network and the new found ability to swallow and digest the signs of a victim. What were the common factors those who were seriously abused had a heart. It was almost as if the predator was hand picking their choice of victim for life. Those who they could string along with promises, only to over and over disappoint them with outburst and strikes against the soul.
As the conversation with both of these women continued my only response was to them, I don't know the answer or the why of it. I only know that we experience what we do for a reason. What have you learned what difference can you make in another persons life. As I was introduced to various members of the family of both women, the elderly woman who found strength in her children and the younger woman who had an extraordinary bond with her daughter, I shook my head to the evils of being human that had surfaced in both of these womens lives.
Some of us feel trapped and others strong enough to stand up for ourselves. One has to remember the fear and lack of fear in both of these situations. The younger woman feared staying a relationship, the other one feared for her life at the thought of getting out. As I hugged each woman felt their struggles on the journey, I also felt their courage to share, educate and allow me a glimpse of their trouble world.
One of the other women who was working their today was quite opposite in her early 20's married and divorced the first year of her marriage. Independent, confident and appeared on track, though inside still suffering from the broken dreams of a future with whom she had believed to be her partner in love and life.
The two women dealt with life in the times that they lived through. One endured, one got out before children were introduced to a marriage. I thought there is a method to God's madness on the road we travel, but honestly the power and the answer lie with in us. Education being key, I knew more than ever that maybe it wasn't about how to get out that was so important but identifying the poison traits of dysfunction before you ever enter into a relationship. I compared the two stories one had a support, friends family and a network, the other was alone in the world, without friends, isolated and alone. I now realized the importance of the network and the new found ability to swallow and digest the signs of a victim. What were the common factors those who were seriously abused had a heart. It was almost as if the predator was hand picking their choice of victim for life. Those who they could string along with promises, only to over and over disappoint them with outburst and strikes against the soul.
As the conversation with both of these women continued my only response was to them, I don't know the answer or the why of it. I only know that we experience what we do for a reason. What have you learned what difference can you make in another persons life. As I was introduced to various members of the family of both women, the elderly woman who found strength in her children and the younger woman who had an extraordinary bond with her daughter, I shook my head to the evils of being human that had surfaced in both of these womens lives.
Some of us feel trapped and others strong enough to stand up for ourselves. One has to remember the fear and lack of fear in both of these situations. The younger woman feared staying a relationship, the other one feared for her life at the thought of getting out. As I hugged each woman felt their struggles on the journey, I also felt their courage to share, educate and allow me a glimpse of their trouble world.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I attended a seminar and it was I wouldn't say irony but the similarity of stories amongst the women were frighteningly common. It wasn't like I was inquisitive it started rather unexpectedly.The woman in the hotel shop was talking about weight and I told her that walking and running was a good way to speed the metabolism, she went on to speak about the damage to her knees from her ex husband who repeatedly abused her. But the stores didn't stop with her, women who were high profile some how began sharing their stories with me. One of the women said you have a presence about you and I happy to have made your acquaintance. I thought what and why is that people felt they could easily open up and it occurred to me, as one woman said recently "you are so real. " Real? Does that mean they know I relate? That I am open? That I understand? What did real mean in this situation. After so many stories and the different ways people deal with situations it was more clear to me that fixing the woes of the world was more difficult than preventing them. Here is where my dreams begin as I saw prevention as a way of identifying the red flags before a person ends up in a relationship, with the stalker, abuser, insecure,dysfunctional, insanity, distrustful person.
Many of the women said the flags were clear but it took them years to understand them and many divorced and many did not. My mine a bit frazzled jumped to our youth, teaching people the importance of respect and trust should begin at home but if not than it is our place in society to give especially to our young women opportunities that will allow to avoid negative situations that would be harmful to them in the future.Rarely are the their not signs, some and many of them, had hard working partners, who didn't drink or do drugs and yet they were in violent situations. So many times it was asked if it is a learned behavior?
One woman she had a softness about her and a quality that was quaint it was hard for me to believe anyone could hard this mild mannered gem. She spoke of the stalker mentality, she said early on she thought that must mean he loves me. The choosing of clothing, the dressing up to attract other men, just to prove that you belong to them. We are possessions, we are not owned, we are not to be paraded. The lack of trust that a person does not even give space to an individual is not a sign of love, it is a weakness and a sickness that only gets worse at time goes on.
Imagine you are at a all woman's convention and a husband shows up he see's a man there, could be a speaker, waiter, musician. He gets unruly and he accuses his wife of lying and the threatens are verbally and he shouts I want to punch you in the face right now. You are a liar he yells, you said there would be no men. After the episode he says how much he loves you, than he is back to himself that you are embarrassed to be with him. No where in his scenario is there any signs of love.
Isolation is the tool of a controller.
Choosing your clothes and make up is not a compliment, as every woman is capable of choosing her own wardrobe.
Having women friends is not a crime and the mutual bonding is necessary for growth.
Many of the women said the flags were clear but it took them years to understand them and many divorced and many did not. My mine a bit frazzled jumped to our youth, teaching people the importance of respect and trust should begin at home but if not than it is our place in society to give especially to our young women opportunities that will allow to avoid negative situations that would be harmful to them in the future.Rarely are the their not signs, some and many of them, had hard working partners, who didn't drink or do drugs and yet they were in violent situations. So many times it was asked if it is a learned behavior?
One woman she had a softness about her and a quality that was quaint it was hard for me to believe anyone could hard this mild mannered gem. She spoke of the stalker mentality, she said early on she thought that must mean he loves me. The choosing of clothing, the dressing up to attract other men, just to prove that you belong to them. We are possessions, we are not owned, we are not to be paraded. The lack of trust that a person does not even give space to an individual is not a sign of love, it is a weakness and a sickness that only gets worse at time goes on.
Imagine you are at a all woman's convention and a husband shows up he see's a man there, could be a speaker, waiter, musician. He gets unruly and he accuses his wife of lying and the threatens are verbally and he shouts I want to punch you in the face right now. You are a liar he yells, you said there would be no men. After the episode he says how much he loves you, than he is back to himself that you are embarrassed to be with him. No where in his scenario is there any signs of love.
Isolation is the tool of a controller.
Choosing your clothes and make up is not a compliment, as every woman is capable of choosing her own wardrobe.
Having women friends is not a crime and the mutual bonding is necessary for growth.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I don't think God expected us to travel it alone and no matter how much strength you are provided, it is nice to have someone else walk along side you. I thought I could share that and that I could lean my head and not worry for once in my life. No judgement, fear, anguish, sorrow, sympathy or hatred, but never less a journey where I truly reach out and find that person reaching back. Weep not of yesterday for love will surely guide the way.
Monday, April 19, 2010
In the Eyes of the Devil
Believe
I recognize the flame of hell and through his eyes they dwell,
with threats and anger to ensure that the pain is truly felt. Tiny
little pieces is what he said to me, I'll bury them so deep
that no one will ever see.
Barriers and blockades to hinder as we go with insecurities
abundant, but deep inside I know. Troubling the sickness
that seems to come and go, control, fear and anger from
his wicked spirit grow.
I climbed the nearest mountain and stood in disbelief,
that the world was surely waiting and the seeds of
love were flowing free. Following my foot steps to
the top of the ravine, I reached for a branch and
found him close to me.
You can keep the sim chip your threats a disease,
for there are no tears left to follow in the world
where fear no longer feeds. Wicked is the spirit,
sorrow the game, but I am free to travel and
there is no stopping me.
One last tear has fallen and I wipe it tenderly,
for the spell of love was broken when you
again threatened me. My journey is just
beginning and I know not where it leads,
but surely I can do it, I just need to believe.
I recognize the flame of hell and through his eyes they dwell,
with threats and anger to ensure that the pain is truly felt. Tiny
little pieces is what he said to me, I'll bury them so deep
that no one will ever see.
Barriers and blockades to hinder as we go with insecurities
abundant, but deep inside I know. Troubling the sickness
that seems to come and go, control, fear and anger from
his wicked spirit grow.
I climbed the nearest mountain and stood in disbelief,
that the world was surely waiting and the seeds of
love were flowing free. Following my foot steps to
the top of the ravine, I reached for a branch and
found him close to me.
You can keep the sim chip your threats a disease,
for there are no tears left to follow in the world
where fear no longer feeds. Wicked is the spirit,
sorrow the game, but I am free to travel and
there is no stopping me.
One last tear has fallen and I wipe it tenderly,
for the spell of love was broken when you
again threatened me. My journey is just
beginning and I know not where it leads,
but surely I can do it, I just need to believe.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I Got Flowers Today
Got Flowers Today I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today It wasn't my anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today. I wasn't going to post for awhile but I found this poem and it didn't leave my mind, actually its been going through my mind over and over, as I got flowers today. It is ironic all that we are to know, identify each issue, recognize the signs to avoid a violent episode at any cost, be the sole decision maker, psychologist,, analyst, etc. Living life trying to avoid pushing the wrong buttons, wondering what is going on in someone's head is not living. Not every situation is the same and as my sister said some people have it worse. I always hated that line, "someone else has it worse, how it touches each of us, what we get from it , the not so pleasant memories and also the mixed messages and the troubling lessons, they all become a part of who we are. I again have to remember the people who I began writing for, it actually was a young a woman, a stranger her name was Jessie. I told Jessie nothing about myself, on the other hand Jessie told me an awful lot about her situation. Jessie made me promise I wouldn't forget her, I have since lost the piece of paper with her name on it, but the rose that she placed in my hand still burns a vision and her memory haunting. Jessie has two children and she is in caught up in one of the most extreme abusive situations. Her husband is in jail and she fears his release. I don't know what people expect of me and how can I make a difference? I am not sure, the years have gone by and I have battled my own insecurity and stepped in unknown territory to prove my worth. The decision making is difficult and I wonder exactly what road lies ahead and in what direction shall we journey. When you live by love and faith is your guide, it is very difficult to understand those who strike out in anger and with hatred towards someone who they claim to love. That will always blow my mind. How many times must a person be threatened? Where in the equation is does abuse and hatred become equal to love? The hills high and the roads long and each step seems to go slowly, leading in the direction where the reality of the dysfunction and the awarness leads us to resolving the traits of weakness in the lives of those who exist in a dysfunctional world. I always hated that word dysfunction, as many people are functioning in really cruel situations. At one point you understand your own backyard and than you see beyond it. Sadly enough this is not limited to a city, state country, as all over the world seeds of evil get their start behind the doors of fear. He who initiates the fear has already lost in the game of life, for love spans beyond the dysfunction to bring peace. |
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
We are the moment
I won't be posting for awhile, but you can feel free to read through past post. The weather is beautiful, it's the busy time of year and I like to take advantage of it while it is here.
I still believe people are very judgemental and that they might not be able to see the spirit through the stories. I hope that is not the case.
There are many reasons why people do what they do, why they make the decisions and why they endure all they do. Honesty, truth and faith are crucial to understanding the path we are placed on. I was reading a book years ago, it was generally about why every one's journey is different. Once long ago an acquaintance said" it is great to have emotions don't allow them to lead." I think that is difficult in my case, some refer to it as having a heart. Actually I hear that a good bit you have such the heart. This ability to see the plight of others, to feel the plights of others and to take into consideration all those who are entangled in the web. In the eyes of truth our experiences and decisions are factored in to what is best for everyone.
I speak with many women and I can see the similarities in the stories and in the experiences. The differences come about in how we deal with it. I want to shy away from the stereotypes and the judgement call of right and wrong. I'd like to say different. It is called character and it's being formed way before we even acknowledge it. The good and bad of it.
I was asked what am I doing to implement changes in my life?I have to say that I have my dreams, my wants and my desires and that I have placed them aside to walk a path of knowledge. The knowledge that is attained is as important as that which is given. I am receiving the power of life that this merge of spirits creates. My path is unique to me, I have learned to devour and digest and at that point let go of the past and walk into the light of the future. What does the future hold? I don't know, I know the gift is here, right now into the moment. I have met some extraordinary people online at work and in my everyday life. There is a sharing of the moment that is expressed through all that we do.
I am the moment! What I do to day will in no way alter the past, but it will lead me to tomorrow. Many people or I must say most people don't know my history and I am not sure of that is good or bad. I survived, I am a being of love, one of spirit, one of joy and I am being directed in away that will help others, that is the opportunities that have been granted to not only myself but al of us. I listen to people who have read the books, they think they have the answers, but the answers are in those who have experienced and understand the weak threads of humanity. Anyone who believes they have never been touched or entwined in these threads are kidding themselves. We are all here to experience and these experiences are different for each and everyone of us. Different stories, the say book, the book of emotion. What are the emotions? Happiness, sadness,pain or joy, excitement, anxiety, they all represent our inner dealings with life. It all might come for different reasons, sometimes we feel it with the passing on of a life, a failure in our personal life's, breaks up, struggles of many kind, work, lack of balance.
I call this time in life, my time, yes my time! Why it is so, in this time of opportunity by guiding myself down the right roads I am able to reach out and help others in turn, I believe I am helping myself. This is part of the plan to take the knowledge that I have attained and use it as a prevention tool, to improve or direct myself and others down a more peaceful and enlightenment filled process. Can I be everything to everyone? Big mistake even trying, in reality all we can be is all that we are and " to our own self be true" They are important words because we like to lie to ourselves. I would be kidding myself if I didn't look reality in the eye and admit that I have not yet reached my own goals on a personal note. Yes I want to wake up to those morning kisses, but also I know that I am not willing to sacrifice again who I really am. The person who is able to walk beside me, has to be willing to appreciate and respect all of me, where I have been, who I am and all that is ahead of me. I am not sure I am willing to be as trustful as I once was, I am a bit leery.
I gave a speech recently and after the clapping and hands waving, a woman stood up and said "but you are so darn happy!" Well, let me say this we do not have to give power to those who try to victimize, we are stronger, we are leaders in our community, friends and mothers and most important as I take this moment to speak for those who have fallen victim, we are women and children. It is true that we cannot alone change the world, I believe together we are an extraordinary group of people who not only can but are making a difference.
I need this time away on the blogging, but I ask you that you review your life and realize that there are options. It is not always so easy, but with faith and love I believe anything is possible. I myself have fallen into a trap believing that there is some fairytale ending in life. No fairytale but as we learn how to deal with stress and reach out to our friends we find that we can rise above. Sharing in our stories brings us a new opportunities and also teaches us there are many ways, not one but many ways to live a happy life.
I love all of you for your support and understanding and for the emails and the kindness that has been shared and a special thank you to Gail for our childhood bonding. Remember we are not defined by the paths in the journey but what we do with what has been attained on the path in the journey.
I still believe people are very judgemental and that they might not be able to see the spirit through the stories. I hope that is not the case.
There are many reasons why people do what they do, why they make the decisions and why they endure all they do. Honesty, truth and faith are crucial to understanding the path we are placed on. I was reading a book years ago, it was generally about why every one's journey is different. Once long ago an acquaintance said" it is great to have emotions don't allow them to lead." I think that is difficult in my case, some refer to it as having a heart. Actually I hear that a good bit you have such the heart. This ability to see the plight of others, to feel the plights of others and to take into consideration all those who are entangled in the web. In the eyes of truth our experiences and decisions are factored in to what is best for everyone.
I speak with many women and I can see the similarities in the stories and in the experiences. The differences come about in how we deal with it. I want to shy away from the stereotypes and the judgement call of right and wrong. I'd like to say different. It is called character and it's being formed way before we even acknowledge it. The good and bad of it.
I was asked what am I doing to implement changes in my life?I have to say that I have my dreams, my wants and my desires and that I have placed them aside to walk a path of knowledge. The knowledge that is attained is as important as that which is given. I am receiving the power of life that this merge of spirits creates. My path is unique to me, I have learned to devour and digest and at that point let go of the past and walk into the light of the future. What does the future hold? I don't know, I know the gift is here, right now into the moment. I have met some extraordinary people online at work and in my everyday life. There is a sharing of the moment that is expressed through all that we do.
I am the moment! What I do to day will in no way alter the past, but it will lead me to tomorrow. Many people or I must say most people don't know my history and I am not sure of that is good or bad. I survived, I am a being of love, one of spirit, one of joy and I am being directed in away that will help others, that is the opportunities that have been granted to not only myself but al of us. I listen to people who have read the books, they think they have the answers, but the answers are in those who have experienced and understand the weak threads of humanity. Anyone who believes they have never been touched or entwined in these threads are kidding themselves. We are all here to experience and these experiences are different for each and everyone of us. Different stories, the say book, the book of emotion. What are the emotions? Happiness, sadness,pain or joy, excitement, anxiety, they all represent our inner dealings with life. It all might come for different reasons, sometimes we feel it with the passing on of a life, a failure in our personal life's, breaks up, struggles of many kind, work, lack of balance.
I call this time in life, my time, yes my time! Why it is so, in this time of opportunity by guiding myself down the right roads I am able to reach out and help others in turn, I believe I am helping myself. This is part of the plan to take the knowledge that I have attained and use it as a prevention tool, to improve or direct myself and others down a more peaceful and enlightenment filled process. Can I be everything to everyone? Big mistake even trying, in reality all we can be is all that we are and " to our own self be true" They are important words because we like to lie to ourselves. I would be kidding myself if I didn't look reality in the eye and admit that I have not yet reached my own goals on a personal note. Yes I want to wake up to those morning kisses, but also I know that I am not willing to sacrifice again who I really am. The person who is able to walk beside me, has to be willing to appreciate and respect all of me, where I have been, who I am and all that is ahead of me. I am not sure I am willing to be as trustful as I once was, I am a bit leery.
I gave a speech recently and after the clapping and hands waving, a woman stood up and said "but you are so darn happy!" Well, let me say this we do not have to give power to those who try to victimize, we are stronger, we are leaders in our community, friends and mothers and most important as I take this moment to speak for those who have fallen victim, we are women and children. It is true that we cannot alone change the world, I believe together we are an extraordinary group of people who not only can but are making a difference.
I need this time away on the blogging, but I ask you that you review your life and realize that there are options. It is not always so easy, but with faith and love I believe anything is possible. I myself have fallen into a trap believing that there is some fairytale ending in life. No fairytale but as we learn how to deal with stress and reach out to our friends we find that we can rise above. Sharing in our stories brings us a new opportunities and also teaches us there are many ways, not one but many ways to live a happy life.
I love all of you for your support and understanding and for the emails and the kindness that has been shared and a special thank you to Gail for our childhood bonding. Remember we are not defined by the paths in the journey but what we do with what has been attained on the path in the journey.
Trust
Faith
Respect
Peace
and
Harmony
are equal
to our
happiness!
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