Understanding is not accepting

Every adult retains the memories of their youth, it is through this kaleidoscope of events that we see the formation of thought. The process creates our internal response to current situations. So heavily weighs our former experiences that when we reach out in time of crisis it is from our first lessons in life that we pull information or answers to work through a moment in time. Of course we do not stop growing and learning therefore we can alter negative experiences with more positive ones. In reality we are a canvas and it is possible to repaint the canvas many times over, in doing so we do not look to perfect life, but the create a new experience.


Why is it that one can feel so lost in territory they have traveled on a regular basis? I have asked this question of myself many of times. I have been here before then why do I sense such fear? The surroundings may be familiar but the situation that rises up from it, has slight bit difference to it. I feel the daggers of judgement in the words of others, common is the practice to expect others to act or behave in a manner consistent with their own actions. As if condemning another condones their own choice or lack of choice.

In the battle between self and our own inner demon, one can only look inward and react accordingly. Questions we must ask our self, what is it we want? what is it we deserve? and again how can we reach out and respond to the task of achieving our own goals? Each persons wants and desires are very different and only through honest searching of the soul can we find where our wants shall lead us. We are deserving of what all humans are deserving of, the right to explore and experience life. Goals should be attainable, one hour, one day, one lifetime.

I have not felt the fear for sometime, somehow I have been able to release it from my cache of thought. In my outreach to gain a better understanding of myself, I have found that we hand over the scepter to the captors and through a period of growth we take back the control of our own being.

In any abusive or dysfunctional family the major goal is to break the cycle to not pass the pain and experience on to others members of the family. It is possible to break the chains that lock the past to the present. One must first believe they can and through the exploration of self improvement become enriched by the trials of the past and not held down by them. We do this by removing from our shoulders the weight of guilt.

In each adult lives a child, in each child grows and adult, it is alright to allow emotion to remind us of the paths we have already traveled but more importantly to be able to see the options in the roads ahead. Choices have always been there for us, we just need to know when and where to reach out and make them.

Everyday we would drive through town and we would complain to one another that the speed limit was higher then it needed to be with so many children walking to school. It wasn't until a little girl was hit by a pick up truck walking to school that everyone demanded something be done. This is how life is, it's not until something touches or creates an impact in our life, that we then decide to react. Almost as if we don't see the choices before us until we see the outcome. That is very unfortunate for the many who stand to be a victim to the error of our ways.

It has been said "we learn from out mistakes" hopefully we grow from them as well.