Friday, October 15, 2010


I pretty much digested the past and though I recognize that there is a part of me who stood witness to the crime of abuse. The merging of the present and the past allows me personally to move forward. I believe that denial and secrets just place added grief on a person, as if we are to continue to carry on the ills and guilt of domestic abuse. There are many who surface above and yes are survivors and that is truly a positive direction. How, when, where and why, it seems to all be part of our intended journey. Don't get me wrong I don't think we were necessarily intended to experience such negativity, but I do believe because of our human weakness and strengths we were able to experience and gather knowledge maybe in hopes that we will someday rid our world of such violence.
I rarely go back for one major reason we can't change the past and also if I dwell a little to long I get nightmares. You need to know when to step back and when to step ahead. All we can really be sure of is in what direction we will lead our life for the future, what do we pack in the suitcase to take along with us. With the passing of my father and my mother up in age, I feel as if a chapter has come to an end. So many tears have fallen those which are behind eyes and no one can see. I think at times we are taught to search for a fairytale ending and that in itself sets a person up for a fall.
I have been thinking about my future and what I want from it. That is always difficult because we have a variety of expectations for ourself and for our children. There is a gray area where the decisions we make today will lead us down the path of tomorrow. I can' honestly say there are days I rather just roll over and pull that blanket over my head and not get out of bed and other days where the bigger picture is just that much more clearer. Of course I want what everyone wants to be happy. Happiness is a form of contentment and that contentment has nothing to do with possession. Being in the arms of someone who loves you so is happiness, with that kind of happiness you can surface above anything and everything. What makes you happy?


Gail said...


You wrote a very powerful post and one line in particular rings so true.

"You need to know when to step back and when to step ahead."

The miracle in that line is that you no longer are trying to escape your own truth, rather yOU decide when you will visit your past. It is no longer a hidden part of you. I know for myself when I embraced my truth, as harsh as it was I was finally free. The journey to living in the light of truth is life-long and worth it. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do to bring light.

Love to you
peace and hope.....

Gail said...

Hi again-

What makes me happy? First, is knowing my blessings and giving thanks each day for them. I am so happy when my husband Skipp and I are together - I/we smile so hard our faces hurt. I love crisp Autumn air and the smell of wood fires - I am happy when I can manage my day and mobility is easy. I am happy when we eat a simple meal and have a nice bottle of wine. I am happy when I bring meals to y Mom and when my children call and still need me and I love time with friends and being outside with our wonderful dog Gracey-Blue and so much more. :-)

Love to you

Children with out voices said...

Hi Gail,

Her name is Katy and she is glad to meet you. I am not sure what is at the end of the journey, I have always had this bad habit of reading the end of the book first. I am beginning to learn that the end of the story is not as important as all the chapters that get you there.
I remind myself how precious life is and wonderful the gift. I have had many decisions to confront and I find them confusing because just like Katy, I still try to please everyone but myself, that is a bad habit and hard to break. But I know when it starts to bother me my stomach feels is and that is a sign that says listen to gut instinct, it rarely leads you wrong, be honest, have faith and "into each life a little rain must fall." I want to thank you for holding my hand and journeying along beside me. Your stories and your life have become a vivid part of my memory and I wish you love and peace as well.

Gail said...

it's me, Annie. I am glad to be free and have a voice. I was quiet and alone and scared for a long time. I had all the answers but I was silenced. Once I was given my voice it took a while but things got better. I remember all the hurts, it was bad, real bad. But now I feel the love and that is good, real good. Keep talking Katy - you are the key to everything.

<3 Annie

Anonymous said...

What makes me happy? This is such a loaded question. I believe that what makes you happy is directly related to what satisfaction you derive from your own life. Since life is always changing, what make one happy also changes. For me, I am happy in this moment in time. I have a stable home life with family who love me. I have a secure full time job. I work with friends whom I trust with my life. It's important to decide what one truly appreciates in their own lives in order to determine what makes them happy.

Children with out voices said...

I still want to run away, I still feel the need to hide. Is my life as an adult a direct result of my childhood? There are so many things I don't understand.

Children with out voices said...

Ty Gail,
It's not easy to identify with the person who experienced all the negativity, It makes me feel like sybil. But I know that I can't run all my life even if its running from the memories.

Children with out voices said...


What makes one happy, you are right stability is always good, someone to love you helps, but the answers are not always so easy.

Ty for your visit.. and thoughts.

Choices said...

Thanks for visiting my blog.
Smiles to you.