Saturday, February 20, 2016

Violence is an equal opportunity employer

I haven't written for awhile. It seems like I am just overcoming the death of my father and brother. I have thought recently about elderly parents who were abusive and now seek your help in their later lives. I don't necessarily think it has to do with forgiveness. It is not whether I forgive my mother or not but that she still can be quite manipulative. I can't allow myself to be put in that position and so cruel as it may seem, I do the minimum I have to. I make sure she has her needs met, housekeeper, nurse, food etc but I refuse to let her move in.
When I look back as abusive as my father was with my siblings, my mother a hundred times more abusive with him. Men don't want to talk about it. Be it shame or embarrassment they rarely tell anyone. Why did he stay well, what we call abuse my father called discipline. So in his mind he was loving his children. On the other hand my mother was over the board violent. I stopped writing because a few comments , one said " get over it" and another said " that it all had to be a lie" and yet another said great fictional story telling. " Unless you grew up in such a domestic violent situation I am sure you can't comprehend what goes on almost daily in many homes. People think of a death by murder and say oh how awful but for us attempted murder was on a regular basis. She almost succeeded in taking him out. Sad situation that happens way more often than I would like to admit.
Many children grow up to live full lives and never tell what goes on behind close doors. Other children are affected in different ways.
Time is passing by so quickly and I think what else can we do to change the world. I had wished my father would  had a computer in his day. He might have found away out or a way to get help or mental health.
My brothers passing was troubling. He never received the help he truly needed and still to this day when he told the psychiatrist what happen and she said "when you are ready to tell me the truth I'll listen. " He made up a  lie about being a prison of war when he was in the military, that was easier for her to believe than the truth. What can you do when those who should help don't. 
Memories come to little by little and some things that I had forgotten surface. It gives me more in depth look at lives of children raised in domestically abusive households.
I have one sister left she is on dialysis awaiting a kidney. We have gotten much closer over the last few years in away I never expected. She fills in the blanks of the years I was to young to remember. It is therapy when here and I talk which is everyday. Who else better understands than a sibling who endured the same situation.
Thank you all for hanging there and wish you all well.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Wipes Tears...

Thank you Anne's big sister for the update, since that post seems to get lost in the archives, I took the liberty of placing your comment here.

TheNewLinke said...
This is Annie's big sister again...I felt that I should post and update. I'm sorry this is so late in being posted but as you can imagine, this has been a roller coaster of emotion and sometime you forget things...
UPDATE: Larry Boyd was arrested Sept. 27, 2009. Prosecutors said Boyd beat Lutz to death after a night of heavy drinking. Boyd was convicted in March 2011 of third-degree murder and aggravated assault. Larry Boyd, now 40, will serve a sentence between 29 and 58 years for beating his girlfriend, Anna Marie Lutz, to death.
July 25, 2011 8:14 AM

Friday, September 7, 2012

In memory of Anne Lutz. reposting

Twenty four year old Anna Marie Lutz was murdered by her live in thirty eight year old boyfriend. You won't hear big headline stories, because she wasn't a sports player, politician or famous actor or singer. Anna Marie Lutz is one of the thousands of abuse cases that goes undetected until it results in murder. There is no excuse for such violence upon another human being, we all have the option of walking away from a domestic dispute. Anna lived twenty four short years on this earth and her time was cut short by one persons lack of self control and horrendous choice to strike out at a beautiful young woman.

How many women are caught up in domestic violence? I don't believe we will ever know the truth, for as many cases that are revealed, there are that many more that we will never find exposed. Some choose to stay out of fear, others think they can handle it, many feel there is no options or alternatives and many believe they have nowhere else to go. Pride and embarrassment as well as denial reveal itself when options are offered. To reach out in anger and hit a person you claim to love doesn't happen just once, it most likely happened before or will happen again. Anna Maire Lutz was not one of the lucky ones, she doesn't get a second chance to make a choice, to escape, to get away, to live her life.

Religious leaders will say that this was all part of Gods great plan. This is part of Evil, the devil alcohol might have encouraged the violence, the seeds of evil had already been in placed and sowed to allow and outburst to be violent enough to take a life. Violence only has a chance to strike out once you have allowed evil into your being. Alcohol and drugs only heighten the negativity within a person, the seeds of evil have to already exist to allow an unforgivable experience. I say again unforgivable, for no one has the right to cut a persons life short.

This in in honor of Anna Marie Lutz, she lived such a short time,experienced so little and came to such a violent end. May her soul find peace in the arms of the Lord.

The tears we weep are for the many,
the hearts and souls of those in fear,
may they find inside the courage,
to surface above the pain and despair.

Anna Marie Lutz is somebody, she is a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend,etc. Her kindness, warmth of heart and the magic of her soul were taken advantage of by the one person who she entrusted her life. This is a betrayal of a loving spirit. I chose to write about Anna Marie so that her story shall not be forgotten and that her life will not be in vain. I hope people remember not just how she died, but how she lived.

Every thirty seconds another story of domestic abuse happens, some survive and many do not.Marriage, friendship, relationships, partners, none of these titles give a person the license to abuse. Domestic violence occurs in every walk of life and every income bracket. I promised several years back to put a face to domestic abuse and bring to light a horror that still goes unpunished until it is to late. We seem to reward aggression and the traits of aggression in sports etc, I prefer to acknowledge the size of ones heart and their impact on the world around them. It is obvious by those who knew Anna Marie and shared in her life that she is and always will be a beautiful spirit.

In the time it takes you to close your eyes
and open them again someone in the world
has fallen victim at the hands of abuse.

Sleeping with the Devil

I recognized the signals many years ago, when kindness stepped aside and the devil made a show. You could see it in the eyes, the fear had taken hold, I was sleeping with the devil and he wasn't let go. Paralyzed by shock, the tears rolled down my cheek, tied in darkness bound feet to feet. Trapped by ignorance, loneliness and despair, the devil lay beside me and I couldn't avoid his stare. The words thrown like daggers filled with ugliness and hate, with no signs of love, only a lock upon the gate. He played the game of evil, he knew the rules so well, a tease to pull you into the fire like blaze of hell. The tools he used were many and strategically placed, he started off with fear and ended each day with hate. The master of manipulation, building you up to tear you down, isolation, intimidation, was all that could be found. The windows were darkened the door was tightly closed,I'm sleeping with the devil and he is isn't letting go.

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Lardin House Inn

Profile Picture The Lardin house in Masontown Pennsylvania is sponsoring a fundraiser for DVSSP - Domestic Violence Services of South Western Pennsylvania. It is free to the public and will have an auction for the DVSSP, car show, music, entertainment arts and crafts. Donations will be accepted and can be mailed to the Lardin House Inn 1892 McClellandtown Road Masontown, PA 15461 (724) 583-8310 We are in need of vendors so anyone who wants to sell their arts and crafts call to set up a display. Chinese Auction Items are also in need. Any and all help is appreciated. DVSSP Our Mission The mission of Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA is to increase awareness of domestic violence and its effect on the community, to empower those victimized by providing advocacy and safe and effective services, and to work for social change designed to eliminate domestic violence. PROGRAMS AND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION SAFE SHELTER …Safe shelter for domestic violence victims and their children. (food, clothing, and personal care items for residents) 24 HOUR HOTLINE …24 hour hotline, transportation and intake to Shelter. EMPOWERMENT COUNSELING …Individual face-to-face and hotline counseling for domestic violence victims and their significant others. Advocacy and accompaniment. Information and referrals. LEGAL ADVOCACY …Court accompaniment and assistance with Protection From Abuse Orders. SUPPORT GROUPS … Free informal support groups for anyone directly or indirectly involved in a present or past abusive relationship. Call 724-724-223-0911, 724-852-2373, or 724-439-9500 for more information. CHILDREN'S PROGRAM …Daily children's program for children residing in the Shelter and Fresh Start Transitional Housing program. One-on-one and group counseling through structured activities is facilitated by a children's advocate.