Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
A warped sense of power is all it takes to destroy a life, how sad is that. For the victims and families of the Fort hood military base in Texas our prayers go out to those who have died and those who continue to struggle in the hospital. Young men and women just into adulthood, who signed on with the military to defend our country and yet it is those within who have taken them down.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Living with mentally ill parents. Mental health issues are unlike any other illness. Unlike a physical illness you can't see it and unlike drugs and alcohol, you have no crutch in which to place blame. To the outside world many mental health issues go unknown. For the children of the mentally ill, It has best been described as a war zone with no obvious sides. Since schizophrenia seems to involve multiple genes, it's certainly possible to inherit only some of them and be affected in a different way. Other conditions such as depression, panic disorder, Asperger's or Autism, or even extraordinarily low self esteem seem to be common among children of parents with schizophrenia. This could be related to genetic inheritance, the general stress of being a primary caregiver to a mentally ill parent, or a combination of factors.
Some children also exhibit symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), the result of, as one child who grew up with schizophrenic parents, "growing up in a war zone with no training, no army behind us, [and] no rules."
It's very important for children of mentally ill parents, whether they are formally diagnosed with a disorder or not, to get support for their own difficult situations.
There is also a fear that the apple don't fall far from the tree and that mental illness is contagious or our genetic might predispose us to this mental health weakness.
Whether we are entering a relationship or we are an individual caught up in mental issues, some tabu's need to be removed. 1. Mental health many times has no warning signs and than again smart people have mental heath issues. . 2. Loyalty to family is not a form of condoning, sometimes it is guilt, fear and love for family. 3. Social skills, Being shut off from so called normal people produces both physically and psychologically issues,what is normal? 4. Life skills, are sometimes as simple as how do we respond to negative situations or simple everyday ones. 5 Mental health issues are not contagious but can predispose us to extreme situations of anger, depression and stress. 6. . Fear: Fear of becoming like the ill parent, or fear of becoming ill themselves this may alter their own lives. 7. Love or to not love a parent, to forgive or to not forgive. Children of mentally abused parents carry an extreme burden that few would undestand unless they themselves grew up in a mental ill family. Secrets that stay hidden in the closet and others that are never so easily hidden all play a nasty game on children. Who is the enemy? who are we at battle with? who do we love? what is normal? Can we forgive? how do we remove the stigma of mental health? Is there a cure? Why me? Can it happen to you? Sometimes we are predisposed genetically, other times it's social factors as well as circumstances and others factors as time and place. My mother chose to take her life, she had 4 children and she didn't know where to turn for help. She jumped form the 16th street bridge , the children live her sin.
Whether we are entering a relationship or we are an individual caught up in mental issues, some tabu's need to be removed.
1. Mental health many times has no warning signs and than
again smart people have mental heath issues. .
2. Loyalty to family is not a form of condoning, sometimes
it is guilt, fear and love for family.
3. Social skills, Being shut off from so called normal people produces both physically and psychologically issues,what is normal?
4. Life skills, are sometimes as simple as how do we respond to
negative situations or simple everyday ones.
5 Mental health issues are not contagious but can predispose us to extreme situations of anger, depression and stress.
6. . Fear: Fear of becoming like the ill parent, or fear of becoming ill themselves this may alter their own lives.
7. Love or to not love a parent, to forgive or to not forgive.
Children of mentally abused parents carry an extreme burden that few would undestand unless they themselves grew up in a mental ill family. Secrets that stay hidden in the closet and others that are never so easily hidden all play a nasty game on children.
Who is the enemy? who are we at battle with? who do we love?
what is normal? Can we forgive? how do we remove the stigma
of mental health? Is there a cure? Why me? Can it happen to you?
Sometimes we are predisposed genetically, other times it's social factors as well as circumstances and others factors as time and place.
My mother chose to take her life, she had 4 children and she didn't know where to turn for help. She jumped form the 16th street bridge , the children live her sin.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tammy Gail Hanna Morris
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend...."Our Angel In Heaven"
March 13, 1959-June 21, 1981
Stalked and shot to death by the husband she was divorcing. His statement at the time of his arrest: "If I can't have her, no one is going to."
Janne L. Walters
August 3, 1957- September 13, 1998
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Mother, Grandmother and Best Friend
Janne's neck was broken when she told her abusive boyfriend to move out. Dearly loved and always missed.
Richard G. "Rick" Whitcomb, Jr.
May 10, 1972- January 19, 1996
"Rick was murdered by his abusive ex-girlfriend, Vickie L. Frost, 5 days after he ended their relationship. She stabbed him once in the chest, severing his left ventricle. He was pronounced dead less than an hour later. She was sentenced to only 7 - 25 years for taking his precious life. Rick is "Home Free" in heaven and we look forward to the day when we will see his smiling face once again."
Anna Mae Cox
Mother, Mema, Daughter, Sister and Believe
Rachel Susan Miller
Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend
May 27, 1970- April 26, 2000
Stalked and Battered by her first husband. She was called home to God 13 days after the brutal assault. Bruce Daniels changed his plea to guilty to charges of murder before trial was to begin and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Complete transcript of Bruce Daniels Interview with the police is linked below, as is the transcript of his hearing where he changed his plea to guilty. Rachel leaves behind a daughter, two sisters, three brothers and countless friends who miss her very much.
Christopher Nicolas Miller, Unborn Child
Rachel Miller was pregnant with Baby Christopher when Rachel was murdered. Bruce Daniels received no punishment for killing Christopher because of a technicality.
Tyler Edmond Daniels Miller
May 17, 1989- June 11, 2001
Beloved Son, Brother, Nephew, Cousin, Friend
Killed himself because he could not bear the pain of his mother's murder from Domestic Violence by his biological father, Bruce Daniels. Tyler was 12 years old.
Nichole Francine Garrett
Beloved Daughter, Mother, Friend
February 12, 1969- November 7, 1999
Former battered wife, now deceased.
Brian William Craig
February 1, 1966 - July 3, 1989
Heather Lynne Williamson
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Friend
May 21, 1976- April 19, 1999
Stalked, Beaten, and Stabbed to death by an ex- boyfriend 9 months after ending their relationship.
Matthew James Williamson
January 20, 1977- January 20, 1977
Stillborn child, died as a result of a hard blow to his pregnant mother's stomach by his father.
Cynthia Rena Williamson
December 23, 1978- December 23, 1978
6 1/2 month old fetus, died as a result of her pregnant mother being kicked in the stomach with steel tipped workboots by her estranged father.
Melissa Faye Lonon
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Mother, Friend
May 20, 1981- November 5, 1999
Kidnapped and shot to death by her estranged boyfriend and father of their children, when she tried to end their relationship.
Wendy Ann Croote
February 28, 1966- June 24, 1990
Abused Wife and Mother of a young son, pregnant with another son. Shot to death by her husband.
"She was loved and will always be missed. She will remain Forever Young. Love, Mom and Dad".
Baby David Croote
June 24, 1990- June 24, 1990
"Our little darling, we never got to hold you or kiss you. In your Mama's arms forever. Love, Grandma and Grandpa".
Wylea Estee' Smith
Beloved Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, "Lil Girl", Friend
March 31, 1966- August 19, 1994
Stalked and Murdered by an ex- boyfriend.
Beloved Daughter and Friend, Aspiring model
July 14, 1981- January 4, 1999
Abducted and shot January 3, 1999. She died the next day at age 17.
Rosmari Elaine Celeste Pleasure
September 12, 1963-March 2, 1998
Gunned down by a male acquaintance in the driveway of her Memphis home.
A More Excellent Way, Inc. (AWay) was born in response to this tragedy and is committed to bringing an end to these violent acts that plague our community.
James "Jamie" William McCombs, Jr.
Beloved Son, Father and Friend
February 12, 1973- May 12, 1998
Shot twice with a .22 rifle and tortured by Anthony Allen Myers. Myers, along with his wife, Rebecca Lynn Myers, who is Jamie's ex- girlfriend and mother of his daughter Ashley Marie (deceased November 22, 1997 under suspicious circumstances), confessed and pleaded guilty to Jamie's murder in a hearing on October 27, 2000. Anthony Myers was sentenced to life without parole for first degree murder, 30 years for armed robbery, and 5 years for use of a firearm during a violent crime; Rebecca Lynn Myers was sentenced to life without parole for aiding and abetting murder and first degree burglary after the fact.
Lauren Elizabeth Hafford
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, and Friend
February 17, 1977 - April 13, 1999
Physically and emotionally abused by the man she loved, her husband. She left him, because he did not follow through on promises to get the counseling he needed. She was at work, talking to her sister on the phone, when he shot her in the back of the head at point-blank range.
Gina Marie Lupson-Holden-Young
Beloved Daughter, Mother, Sister, Friend
June 1, 1967- June 9, 1993
Shaun Edward Lupson-Holden
Beloved Son, Grandson, Brother, Nephew, Friend
December 1, 1989- June 9, 1993
Joshua Lee Lupson-Holden
Beloved Son, Grandson, Brother, Nephew
November 10, 1992- June 9, 1993
*All three, Mother and two young sons, perished in an arson- related fire in their home, started by Gina's husband when he doused the home with gasoline, lit a match and walked away unscathed. He was sentenced on October 10, 1995 to three consecutive life sentences.*
February 28, 1964- April 25, 1999
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Niece
"Attacked and beaten in the head with a hammer; several of the 5 blows penetrated her brain. Her husband broke into her home only four days after being released from jail for breaking an order of protection against him. She lived on life support for three days before she died. All her family's love and prayers could not bring our dear Kim back. During her attack her step father went to check on her and he also was beaten with the same hammer by Kim's husband. He has permanent brain injuries to this day. In many cases there is physical violence from the beginning. In our situation, he was never physically abusive to her, not until he realized she wanted a life without him. He is awaiting trial for Kim's murder and the state is seeking the death penalty. Kim is forever missed by her family and her many friends. Her daycare babies will always remember Kim even though they were so young when this happened. Kim is forever loved and sadly missed by her four children, her mother and Aunt Toni."
Sharon Kaye Flick
Murdered by her husband December 27, 1988. She was stabbed 40+ times with an ice pick after enduring beatings all day.
Judy Beth (Jones) Coulson
Beloved Sister and Aunt
Murdered by her ex- husband. She was shot twice in the back with a shotgun and died trying to reach the phone for help.
Denise Robin Edwards
Murdered by her boyfriend.
January 16, 1971- February 14, 2001
Friday, October 16, 2009
I want to thank Gail for her sincerity and kindness as she embraces her own journey in a road that has many twist and turns. Someone once said help comes to those who help themself, and this may or may not be true. It never hurts to have a helping hand.
What is Abuse? - A Warning List
- pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
- threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
- threatening suicide to get you to do something
- using or threatening to use a weapon against you
- keeping or taking your paycheck
- puts you down or makes you feel bad
- forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like
- keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work
YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My mother had a clear love hate going on for my father, I think she loved to hate him. She couldn't get away herself, she clearly wanted him dead. Saturdays were the typical cleaning day and flipping the mattress over each week was normal part of cleaning up. My mother had a bad habit of leaving her chosen weapons for the week either under the sofa cushions or bed pillows. It was really weird, you know it doesn't belong their but your afraid to touch it. The list is so long, guns, knives, hatchets, hammers, she just wanted the man dead.
I remember this one day, I thought that the new house and going back home was a sign that the bad memories were behind us. I can't really tell you what they fought about, lot of times it was other people. My mother a people person and my father completely opposite. This one day, my mother grabbed my sister and I and threw us in the bedroom, my father was trying to kick the door in. She called his name out and said get away from the door, she moved the dresser in front of it. He still was pushing the door in and moving the furniture. She cocked the gun and she aimed it at the doorway. Bullet after bullet through the furniture into the door. We stayed in the room with her till early ours of the night. He always left but he always came back. I just don't understand any of it. I don't ever remember talking with anyone about it. You know even as brother and sisters we never spoke about it. I know it was normal, but I can almost say I didn't know what normal was, it was the only life I knew.
The following day my father came back and he fixed the holes in the furniture and the doorway as if it was expected. He always seem to blame us for mothers episodes, " look what you made her do! It's all your fault" It is something how you learn to read people, the eyes really do tell all. We would go off to school and were always afraid to go home. You never knew what to expect, I am not surprised, the teachers always called me a dreamer, little did they know.
We were expected to excel in school, to have straight A's to be perfect little children. Speak only when spoken to in a very structured setting. How could this be, how could such dysfunction expect so much from children, such perfection in such a hellish situation.
It wasn't like the episodes were once in a while they were chronic, day after day, some days worse than others. My father was very afraid of the system, afraid of his own mental issues. He use to threaten us regularly that if anyone ever knew that we would be taken away and never heard from again that it would all be our fault. It is not like the system didn't know, its documented in all the papers, the violence, the suicide, the consistent calls from neighbors for the police. The system knew they even sent social workers to the house. Well they didn't find anything wrong, the house was clean, we were dressed well, there was always food, nothing appeared out of normal. There we stood five children well dressed in a row, quiet, well behaved.
Were we children that fell through the cracks? Did the system not know what to do about it? Can you only help those who want help? I am not sure, there was a big age gap, so my brother and sister were the role models, the housekeeper, the cook, the baby sitters, they filled all the roles that you would expect parents to. They kept the secrets of their pain well hidden.
I remember really cold nights with no heat and only the tics that my mother use to sew. She would sit in the rocker chair her mind a million miles away and she would just sit and sew and sew. My mother she not only went to the doctors for medicine for herself but she also gave the symptoms of my father so she would get medicine for him. Oh the games they played. I try to think what set them off, sometimes it was absolutely nothing. But a calm could become a madness really quickly.
My eldest sister went to court and filed forms for legal emancipation she was fourteen, she gained her freedom by demonstrating her financial independence as well as a place to live. My parents were furious and battled to get her back, once home they beat her so badly she could not walk not sit. She had health issues, she suffered from a kidney disease and that is one of the few things my parents did provide was medical help. She again moved out and I remember the quarelling and the ugliness. We lived by the river at this time, but we were always moving, every year another place, none of them were home. In a huge argument my each parent blaming the other until my mother yelled enough, enough! She took a knife from the kitchen he tried to hold her back and the knife entered his stomach. Wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last but it was one of the most serious, he lay out in front of the house nearly bleeding death. My brother and sisters stuffed the wound with bread. The ambulance was summoned and he denied any domestic abuse, he said he was attacked by a stranger.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I felt completely mesmerized by the power of the wind, as I watched it dance like a picture in motion high a top the trees. The leaves more than swayed back and forth against the darkened sky, they moved with such speed that it created a sort of shimmer that reminded me of the reaction of oil as it is stirred into water. I felt pulled, as if there was a magnetic draw between my spirit and the hum of the wind as it thrust the hills into a state of an awakening. In one glimpse nature reveals the strength, the weakness and the vulnerabilities that surface between man and earth and the heavens above.
It might be just a little tingle,
like spiders on the nerves,
but to me it is a reminder,
that love never hurts.
Not a pleasant memory,
but I refuse to let it go,
surface reveals a healing,
inside it burns so.
I don't hate him,
I just don't like him very much.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I want to be a part of it - new york, new york These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray Right through the very heart of it - new york, new york I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn’t sleep And find I’m king of the hill - top of the heap These little town blues, are melting away I’ll make a brand new start of it - in old new york If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere It’s up to you - new york, new york
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
They say that time is the great healer,
but open wounds never heal?
Fear is the unseen bars that imprison the soul.
I have been locked in my own prison for so long
,that I had become accustomed to the walls of hell.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Limit control by education and independence
Recognize the red flag - Extreme Jealousy is not a compliment
Constant criticism is not acceptable, avoid it
Follow your gut instinct, if it doesn't feel right! it is not right.
People don't change if you see signs of abuse it only gets worse.
Avoid situations that will put you danger, traveling alone,etc
Avoid the I'm gonna save him syndrome, let him save him or self.
If you sense danger, it's danger.
Don't provoke, do!
No to sex is your right!
Caution when entering a relationship.
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Many people want to think that all abusers are psychopaths or are born defective or in some way cynical self righteous spawns of the devil. In all reality many factors can and do contribute to abuse. In studies it is proven that much is learned in our very youth. Much can be a behavior issue which stemmed from cultural and life or lack of life experiences. Drugs, alcohol and ignorance all can play a part on what and how one deals with the world. The building up of stress in a very poor economy also reveals a rise in abuse and thus proves that many are capable of becoming an abuser on all levels.
Allowing ourself to heal and learn from the past is the best way to prevent abuse in the future. We can break the cycle when we allow ourselves to recognize the first signs of an abusive relationship. Insecurity is the first tool used by an abuser, recognize your own worth and value to your self and the community. This is your first step to avoiding the traps of an abuser.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Children are our greatest resources and yet the most vulnerable to the ills of the world.Make a difference in a life, share a smile, even that goes a long way into warming a heart.
Adjusting to freedom is not an overnight one step plan. She was denied the basic human rights and the dignity to flourish within her community, to live and prosper. It will take many many years to find a sense of healing in a period of growth that will have her adjusting to a freedom that has been denied her for eighteen years.
Survival finds us in many a situation. What appears to some as a weakness to not fight back or escape was actually her inner strength to survive. She is a remarkable woman who survived the unthinkable. There can be no justice served as the chapters are written and cannot be erased. With faith I believe new chapters will be written on a long and tedious journey.
If everything happens for a reason what lesson comes from such ugliness? That evil exist as surely as goodness, that mental illness is not in check in this vast space we call earth. That evil condones its rise to power. Are there answers that are not fear laden. When I was ten years old not much younger than Jacee, I saw how mental illness effects a person, how it reflects on the family and how breeds on hatred, violence and self righteousness. Some how in their warp minds they condone their behavior. They justify there actions by some sense of personal power over a situation. She was at the age of awareness when she was kidnapped and so the years before will be her flotation device that allows her to reach to shore and walk away from the many years of evil. In my mind I had wanted so to see a turn around in the mental health field. I see it as the weakest part of society's structure.
The personal story of Jacee Lee Dugard makes me sick to my stomach, unfortunately there are so many more stories that go unheard that never reach the hands of the media. Some of them prisoners in their own homes, prisoners of the mind. Imprisoned by those who claim to love them. Where does this evil get its strength?
Jacee Lee Dugard in not alone, many have not lived to tell the story and others still remain a hidden part of society. Jacee Lee Dugard is a survivor and my heart and my prayers go out to her in her long process of healing. Somethings can never be erased from the soul, but hopefully she will be able to replace the memories with new ones. Start a new journey through the healing process.
What happened to Jacee Lee Dugard is any caring parents worse nightmare. I believe she is stronger than many give her credit for and I have faith that she will surface above this, with the proper time and intervention and the rebuilding of a life.
We cannot compare evils, no crime is worse than another. Though that which is empowered by robbing the innocence of a child has to be the most sick, ugly and evilest of crimes. I feel as sense of joy in her release and also a pain within that desperately tries to understand how such violent hatred gains miles into the weakness of the mind.
The scars are inevitable and are now ingrained in her being, allow her the time, privacy and dignity to heal at her own pace. This is not the story of one child but all children who fall victim to abuse, hatred and evil. If there is something that comes from the telling of her story, it will be of her strength and power to overcome the worst of evil, that which is against a child of the world.
This is not to make slight of Jacee Lee Dugard's story. There are many children in abusive situations under the reign of those who claim to love them. As we speak around the world and in our own neighborhood a child, many a child is being abused. How do we stop the sickness and can we have a utopia? I don't see it happening anytime soon, so my prayers go out not for the one child who is now free, but for those who felt the sting of sex abuse, domestic abuse, verbal abuse in the robbing of a childhood.
Bonding with the captor is a survival mechanism, it shows in the many children including Jacee's the ability to survive in the most horrendous of crimes. I commend her for her strength and the power within her that kept her alive. It shows how intelligent a child and woman she is. Fear kept her there, bonding kept her alive and faith gave her hope.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Mental health has failed, people who need help do not seek it and those who do are released with medications that may or may not take. The world has changed and I don't believe it is for the better. It has been said many times that " mans worst enemy is man himself" I am saddened for all of mankind as I view around the world evil in progress.
As the story unwraps we will find the motive for the actions of a madman. Excuses will made and the professionals will try to piece together the steps upon that which hate has traveled. Just as the world on a financial scale has tumbled so has the world on a more social level. The media, from news reporters, tv, movies and music should be held responsible for their actions. Those who defend our freedoms including that of speech are made a mockery of. When movies of hatred and violence numb a community to the realization that violence is eminent as the seeds of evil are planted in those who are not mentally stable.
Even a baby bird knows when to discard one if its young. What is on the agenda for our politicians, the rights of prisoners, the mentally ill and the disabled, and the minorities. When will the rights of those who have regard for the rules, who abide by the laws.
We have failed at large to make our world our safer place it deteriorates by the moment. My prayers for all the families and victims of a horrendous crime. May they find peace in the arms of the Lord
Monday, July 13, 2009
I somehow believed that if you push the wrong buttons or caused a situation that you were responsible for the reaction. I am ever so aware how wrong this is and how as a child or an adult we are only responsible for ourselves and our own actions and that we will not and cannot be held liable for the sins of another. I feel a darkness hovering and I want it to go away, but it is lingering like that of the night.
Monday, June 29, 2009
In the years following, I realized there was a pattern that seem to reveal itself in my own adult relationship. I found that I quickly recognized the weak strain within my partner and would quickly try to prevent or redirect his anger. As I read the morning newspaper of a man who took the life of his wife, eldest son and himself, I began to review situations in my own life that seemed really no different.
What triggered and outburst? I am not quite sure, I chalked some of it up to his lifestyle working on so few hours sleep, but as I look back I realize that there were other underlying reasons. I conveniently filed the earlier episodes of violence to the back of my mind and looked at one of the more recent occurrences. I found that I became a prisoner of fear in order to smooth ruffled feathers and prevent the seed of evil the nourishment to germinate and grow. It felt as if I had to pacify the moment and stroke the ego of evil.