Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Anna Marie Lutz 24

Twenty four year old Anna Marie Lutz was murdered by her live in thirty eight year old boyfriend. You won't hear big headline stories, because she wasn't a sports player, politician or famous actor or singer. Anna Marie Lutz is one of the thousands of abuse cases that goes undetected until it results in murder. There is no excuse for such violence upon another human being, we all have the option of walking away from a domestic dispute. Anna lived twenty four short years on this earth and her time was cut short by one persons lack of self control and horrendous choice to strike out at a beautiful young woman.

How many women are caught up in domestic violence? I don't believe we will ever know the truth, for as many cases that are revealed, there are that many more that we will never find exposed. Some choose to stay out of fear, others think they can handle it, many feel there is no options or alternatives and many believe they have nowhere else to go. Pride and embarrassment as well as denial reveal itself when options are offered. To reach out in anger and hit a person you claim to love doesn't happen just once, it most likely happened before or will happen again. Anna Maire Lutz was not one of the lucky ones, she doesn't get a second chance to make a choice, to escape, to get away, to live her life.

Religious leaders will say that this was all part of Gods great plan. This is part of Evil, the devil alcohol might have encouraged the violence, the seeds of evil had already been in placed and sowed to allow and outburst to be violent enough to take a life. Violence only has a chance to strike out once you have allowed evil into your being. Alcohol and drugs only heighten the negativity within a person, the seeds of evil have to already exist to allow an unforgivable experience. I say again unforgivable, for no one has the right to cut a persons life short.

This in in honor of Anna Marie Lutz, she lived such a short time,experienced so little and came to such a violent end. May her soul find peace in the arms of the Lord.

The tears we weep are for the many,
the hearts and souls of those in fear,
may they find inside the courage,
to surface above the pain and despair.

Anna Marie Lutz is somebody, she is a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend,etc. Her kindness, warmth of heart and the magic of her soul were taken advantage of by the one person who she entrusted her life. This is a betrayal of a loving spirit. I chose to write about Anna Marie so that her story shall not be forgotten and that her life will not be in vain. I hope people remember not just how she died, but how she lived.

Every thirty seconds another story of domestic abuse happens, some survive and many do not.Marriage, friendship, relationships, partners, none of these titles give a person the license to abuse. Domestic violence occurs in every walk of life and every income bracket. I promised several years back to put a face to domestic abuse and bring to light a horror that still goes unpunished until it is to late. We seem to reward aggression and the traits of aggression in sports etc, I prefer to acknowledge the size of ones heart and their impact on the world around them. It is obvious by those who knew Anna Marie and shared in her life that she is and always will be a beautiful spirit.

In the time it takes you to close your eyes
and open them again someone in the world
has fallen victim at the hands of abuse.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Broken Fingers

I felt completely mesmerized by the power of the wind, as I watched it dance like a picture in motion high a top the trees. The leaves more than swayed back and forth against the darkened sky, they moved with such speed that it created a sort of shimmer that reminded me of the reaction of oil as it is stirred into water. I felt pulled, as if there was a magnetic draw between my spirit and the hum of the wind as it thrust the hills into a state of an awakening. In one glimpse nature reveals the strength, the weakness and the vulnerabilities that surface between man and earth and the heavens above.

It might be just a little tingle,

like spiders on the nerves,

but to me it is a reminder,

that love never hurts.

Not a pleasant memory,

but I refuse to let it go,

surface reveals a healing,

inside it burns so.


I don't hate him,

I just don't like him very much.

Monday, September 21, 2009

There are barrier which are never seen
but never the less exist.

To this day I still find the need to run and hide.

To the corner of the attic, where the cobwebs gather.
To the depths of the mind where the darkness is
scattered.Run fast, run and hide,escape the madness,
that controls the mind. To the corners of the attic
where the cobwebs gather .

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

We can't let go of what is an internal part of our being.

I have heard dysfunction referred to as a roller coaster or the yo yo syndrome. The up and down through a cycle of good and bad events on an almost routine schedule. I might say I saw life more like a merry go round, you keep going round and round and waiting for it to stop. In all actually there is no beginning or end and thus results in the acceptance of the continuous cycle that abuse creates. Fear is away a major factor in our decisions to react or not react. We are taught to protect those who abuse us in away that seems to place guilt on the victim.
With the anniversary of my fathers death I felt an array of emotions that seemed confusing at best. It was that which people saw as love or respect for him that seemed to be the most unsettling. There was no justifying his actions, the cruelty in which we lived. With my sister gone for so many years now I quickly came to understand that I would never have all the pieces to complete the puzzle. How could her voice be heard? Who would or could understand better what we went through, than the pack made between us as children. There were a few moments we held to that were positive and we kept holding to them. I cried once after her death, walked into a walk in closet,where no one could see or hear and I cried. I cried that she would never grow old and that we would never get to make new memories.
Music and the secrets that was our bond. The music brought a positive side to life and the secrets tied us together. Ironically the last song we sang was new york, new york. It was the last time all the sisters were together. I can remember thinking without anyone else in the picture,just the four of us girls, that we were strong. Arms around each other and dancing and singing. I guess my own vulnerabilities are showing and the fact that at any time our life on this earth can be over, makes you take notice of the simple pleasures.

Da da da , da da da start spreading the news, I'm leaving today.
I want to be a part of it - new york, new york These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray Right through the very heart of it - new york, new york  I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn’t sleep And find I’m king of the hill - top of the heap  These little town blues, are melting away I’ll make a brand new start of it - in old new york If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere It’s up to you - new york, new york 
Its a bit ironic how this song about NY became the last memory of when we were all together and now this place seems to have
once again appeared and sharing of happiness. Holds on to those moments in hopes of surfacing beyond the darkness.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Abuse wears a coat of many colors.

Sometimes abuse is nothing other than an
insecure soul exerting power over another.

Their weakness shall not be my legacy.

I am stronger than that which dares to hold me down.

I will no longer swim in the tears of yesterday.

He strikes out at my heart and each lash but once against my soul
repeatedly pains with each memory.

She wanted it to come to and end,
so we may see a new beginning.

The pain of the spirit hurts worse than any wound to the flesh.

How do we stand up to the fear of a threat? Is a threat merely words? Imprison the flesh my soul is free.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Free the soul...remove the fear.

It is inconceivable of the pure of heart to understand the depth of evil and the tools in which it uses to invade a spirit. Strike out at the flesh and in time it heals, but the wounds of the mind we can always feel.

They say that time is the great healer,
but open wounds never heal?

Fear is the unseen bars that imprison the soul.

I have been locked in my own prison for so long
,that I had become accustomed to the walls of hell.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What is Abuse

Abuse is a lethal combination of victim and perpetrator. Is there away of preventing ourselves from becoming a victim? As a child there are less choices and the vulnerability surrounded by circumstances are much more difficult to overcome. As adults surfacing from abusive childhoods, we must learn and reteach ourselves how to recognize and avoid abusive situations.

Avoid Isolation

Limit control by education and independence

Recognize the red flag - Extreme Jealousy is not a compliment

Constant criticism is not acceptable, avoid it

Follow your gut instinct, if it doesn't feel right! it is not right.

People don't change if you see signs of abuse it only gets worse.

Avoid situations that will put you danger, traveling alone,etc

Avoid the I'm gonna save him syndrome, let him save him or self.

If you sense danger, it's danger.

Don't provoke, do!

No to sex is your right!

Caution when entering a relationship.

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

Many people want to think that all abusers are psychopaths or are born defective or in some way cynical self righteous spawns of the devil. In all reality many factors can and do contribute to abuse. In studies it is proven that much is learned in our very youth. Much can be a behavior issue which stemmed from cultural and life or lack of life experiences. Drugs, alcohol and ignorance all can play a part on what and how one deals with the world. The building up of stress in a very poor economy also reveals a rise in abuse and thus proves that many are capable of becoming an abuser on all levels.

Allowing ourself to heal and learn from the past is the best way to prevent abuse in the future. We can break the cycle when we allow ourselves to recognize the first signs of an abusive relationship. Insecurity is the first tool used by an abuser, recognize your own worth and value to your self and the community. This is your first step to avoiding the traps of an abuser.