When Children Cry

To My Dear Friend, Butterflies are Free!

Fear the tool of the abuser

Fear_a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

In most abusive situations the tool of fear is used to retain, control, undermine, set the seed of insecurity, over the top discipline, domination and manipulation. Is this a pack like trait that humans have not quite evolved away from? I believe most abusers know they are abusing and they know it is unacceptable to the main stream of society. So goes the old adage " what goes on in the home stays in the home."

There was such a anxiety when it came to strangers. We weren't allowed visitors nor friends in our home. The phone was off limits and in many ways the seeds of fear were deeply ingrained. My father was very aware that our home life was far from the norm and in today's standards
he would have been imprisoned. It wasn't that at times, red flags weren't there , they were. My youngest sister and I were in a private school, it was the early seventy's a very transitional time in history. My youngest sister wasn't flourishing, she rebelled in violent and socially unacceptable way. School was aware something was wrong, seriously wrong.. A letter was sent home asking permission for her to talk with a school appointed psychologist. That was one hellish day at our house of course my parents refused to sign the papers and In turn pulled her out of the school and placed her in the public school system. In the public school system she had gone unnoticed. She dropped out of main stream school and was placed in a alternative learning environment. Sixteen she was on her own, and learning more about the streets then any teenager needs to. The bullet scars in her leg, measures little to the scars to her spirit. She became cold and distant. She fulfilled mothers predestined view of her and became self destructive, drugs, alcohol, prostitution and very ugly inside and hateful. She soon learned to manipulate and gain status, but the scars of hell can not be cleansed from her soul.

We lost contact for many years as her life spiraled downward. There was a point where the sister bond was crossed, as you had to begin to look out for .

Abuse

In a domestic war, the battle is the sin and there are no winners!

The last frontier...

I was asked if writing about the skeletons in the closet and hellish conditions of the world was a way of purging myself, cleansing the soul, revenge or in away therapeutic.None of the above is even close to the truth. Reviewing my own personal childhood history and the ills that are presently taking place in the world is far from therapeutic. I am a strong believer that moving forward is very healing and a sense of complete inner strength. That to remain in the past is stagnant at best.
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In my travels I have spoken with many people, more so I have listened to many people. Each person had a story to tell of their own personal hell that they were combating. One particular woman stood out in my mind, she told me of the abuse she endured and the hell and fear that still subside within her. After a good period of time, she made eye contact with me and
placed a red rose in my hand, she said “you won’t forget me, will you?” I have not forgotten.
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From that time on I did a few things which I thought were help, I ran a race for mental health, I donated 50% of my earnings to domestic abuse and yet a emptiness of achievement for what little I might have accomplished in helping our brother and sisters of the world.
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Time went on and people contacted me from places as far as Australia and other varied countries through out our great world. They said we have abuse here too. I said I am sure you do. My goal in removing the “ skeletons from the closet” is to educate and remove the stigma attached to that which we have little understanding of, “the weakness of the mind.”
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Lately dwelling on the negativity has been a great drain on my spirit and has placed a great heaviness on my heart. I will continue to try and reach out to as many people and to educate, touch and and heal hearts. But I will posting less frequently, as my mind heart and soul need a chance to separate from the evils of the world and explore a more balanced reality. I walk with no shudders around the eyes, I am well aware, that it is rare a family who is not touched by drugs, alcohol and abuse.
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The media makes a 3 ring circus of human weakness and the rich and famous and those of Hollywood only go to prove how common we all are. For the mind is the last true frontier....
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I will continue to look forward to your comments and emails and thank those who take the time to relate and try to understand. We are all very vulnerable and at any time we could meet up with strangers violence upon stranger, domestic abuse, hardship, sickness, mental health issues as well as abuse of drugs. Shame should not be in holding oneself responsible, shame should be in denial.