Sunday, March 4, 2007

When Children Cry

To My Dear Friend, Butterflies are Free!

Fear the tool of the abuser

Fear_a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

In most abusive situations the tool of fear is used to retain, control, undermine, set the seed of insecurity, over the top discipline, domination and manipulation. Is this a pack like trait that humans have not quite evolved away from? I believe most abusers know they are abusing and they know it is unacceptable to the main stream of society. So goes the old adage " what goes on in the home stays in the home."

There was such a anxiety when it came to strangers. We weren't allowed visitors nor friends in our home. The phone was off limits and in many ways the seeds of fear were deeply ingrained. My father was very aware that our home life was far from the norm and in today's standards
he would have been imprisoned. It wasn't that at times, red flags weren't there , they were. My youngest sister and I were in a private school, it was the early seventy's a very transitional time in history. My youngest sister wasn't flourishing, she rebelled in violent and socially unacceptable way. School was aware something was wrong, seriously wrong.. A letter was sent home asking permission for her to talk with a school appointed psychologist. That was one hellish day at our house of course my parents refused to sign the papers and In turn pulled her out of the school and placed her in the public school system. In the public school system she had gone unnoticed. She dropped out of main stream school and was placed in a alternative learning environment. Sixteen she was on her own, and learning more about the streets then any teenager needs to. The bullet scars in her leg, measures little to the scars to her spirit. She became cold and distant. She fulfilled mothers predestined view of her and became self destructive, drugs, alcohol, prostitution and very ugly inside and hateful. She soon learned to manipulate and gain status, but the scars of hell can not be cleansed from her soul.

We lost contact for many years as her life spiraled downward. There was a point where the sister bond was crossed, as you had to begin to look out for


Lisa said...

This is so sad. Is there any way you can think of that you might be able to find your sister? Do you want to find her? I can't imagine the pain you have all been through. That poor one has any idea at all where she could be? God bless your family...I'm so sorry for all of your pain.

Children with out voices said...

Thank You for stopping by the blog and reading. My sister did seek professional help and at this time is still under the care of a Psychiatrist. Though we haven't spoken in the last couple of years, she stills fights, alcoholism and drugs and deals with mental health issues. She does not have contact with any of the other siblings as she is still very self destructive,but never the less a survivor.

Matty said...

Good Lord! It never ceases to amaze me what some parents can inflict on their children. Your sister (& other siblings) needed hugs,love and caring supportive parents,,,I hope she is strong enough to win her battles.
You never mentionned how you got through these turbulent times? I hope you were one of the lucky ones. God bless the children!
I believe that sometimes a good single parent is better than 2 parents out of control.

Children with out voices said...

It is not that I sit in judgment of my younger sister, but that there was some morale code, that she stepped over. I believe we can learn from the pass to guide us, but not use it as a excuse to be self destructive. I can't say what went on in her head, or how she viewed her childhood. I know that she felt very much the victim, and she became very much the victim. The abuse for her continued out into the streets and part of me feels that she had little self respect to allow it to continue. Sometimes I have looked at her actions as a embarrassment.