Fear hides behind a wall of silence...

A bruise to the body is less painful

 then the bruising of the mind. 

The weak threads ... a symptom of child abuse

I couldn't have been more than nine or ten years old when I became aware of the importance of a healthy mind and how many issues arise from mental health. There was always a stigma attached to those who were in need of help and that in itself kept and keeps many from seeking the proper medical intervention.

What is the right medical intervention? I am not sure that the professionals themselves know, but hopefully the unexplored folds of the mind will be exposed and the antidote for healthier living without the extremes will be explored. 

It is incredible how much advancement has been made in this area over the last one hundred years and still yet so more to understand and learn. The brain a huge chemistry set bases itself upon the workings of the body. There is where the old saying a " busy mind is a healthy mind" comes from. 

A woman in her early thirties had been placed on medication to control her mood swings. She said I hated it I neither laughter nor cried, I felt so much like a zombie. Is it all a case of the faulty mind or just a lack of not knowing enough to bring the initial amount of balance? 

My plight to bring awareness to the ills of the mind was explored through the ongoing child abuse I had experienced as a child. It is amazing how many views surface from siblings and the lack of similarities between them. Every one feels the flame of the poker in different ways and digest it as their own will to survive surfaces.

Eradicating mental health is based on a judgement call, what is considered healthy and not. It seems that all that occurs in life comes from personal choice making. The different levels of society keep many from reaching out to helping other of different social classes. 

If one looks at the axle the world spins on they will see the worlds vulnerability throughout the stars. The same is true for each and everyone of us. If it is so that we are on this earth as the great explorers to expand our knowledge and develop our being than each of us is part of the process and there is no boundaries, societal levels, just a oneness to prepare for the inevitable. 

A perfect weave, one which is tightly woven without holes, loose threads, worn and weak threads brings the the mind a beautiful tapestry. It is when the carelessness of abuse of self is allowed that a weak thread is found and through this we fall through. How do we strengthen the thread? We must first decide which needs replaced, tightened or  just a bit of reweaving. The social skills necessary to bring this about are found in our earliest steps of life. Here is where the first stitches are sewn. Stitching in Self worth, Respect and love, these three alone can tighten the sloppiest of stitch creating a more uniform pattern. It is not enough to share this tasperty with friends and family but to display our inner self to the community at large helps to improve as we unite in a more central weave. 

The cycle of abuse, why does it happen? why do many condone it? Though we are all one in being, we all start the journey with different tools. This is why it is so important what thread we choose from the very beginning. How is anger seeded and how does it grow? Anger is seeded by insecurity and self hate. 

Earths greatest experiment is explored through life. 

I am frightened to stand still, 

might I be caught up in the darkness.

I am a survivor

I closed this down for awhile because of a few comments and I realized that its okay that it be read, it happened it was real and it was a part of my life. I am not ashamed for someone else's failure nor am I embarrassed by my experiences. I am a survivor!

I found it amazing all the bad that happens in the world and except for the sensationalized cases in the media, you will never know or hear of all the people who slip through the crack.  

There are many changes that are mandatory in the system to really make it a beneficial to all those in need. Early intervention is crucial to bringing about not merely the words of the change but the action of change. Obviously people benefit from positive surroundings as nurturing is very important in providing a stable beginning for our youth to grow. 

Change comes for those who want it, allowing hunger to go unfed only promotes more negativity and instibility. Take a walk through the inner city schools and you will see that they have indeed slid backwards. Those who can afford continue to put their children in public schools or move out of the area. What this leaves behind are those who have no alternative. The song children are our future represents our need to bring more youth groups not only to inner city children to the rural areas as well. By giving choices and altnernatives we can save those who are looking for away out in hopes that they take back the love and knowledge to better their own communitites.

If all possible encourage, sponsor or donate your time to your local youth group, if you make a difference in only one childs life, isn't that child worth it?

I am frightened of my thoughts and I can't see beyond the darkness.

Somethings We Never Forget, nor should we!!!

It was the first year of marriage not even six months into it and I knew the difference between right and wrong. It had already lacked the first foundation blocks of respect. From waking him up in the morning for work and running to lock myself in the bathroom so he wouldn't pull my hair and punch. His excuse was that he was overly tired. There were other red flags that continued to show themselves. I wanted out, I didn't want to try and figure it out, I didn't want to continue on a path that I had already been born into.
I remember the day clearly, I said we need to talk, my first words to him were, this is not how I expected marriage, I think we need to call it quits before we go any further. It's not about love I said, it is about right and wrong. A different man stood before me, his features changing. He pulled my hair and pushed my face close to him, tears streamed down his eyes, and slowly he repeated the words " no one makes a fool of me, not even you, you are going nowhere!!! alive that is. " That was the very first set of invisible bars that were placed in front of me. The bars of fear, standing on the platform of Pity. He did make an effort, to some degree anyway, to change. The next year we rarely saw each other, I worked full time, he worked full time.
It would have been the second anniversary that I would remember the first time, he would hit hard enough to draw blood. I now understand more about abuse and the stages of violence to the honeymoon phase, and how it all plays on your emotions and consciousness. I would have to say that there was fear in staying and a fear in leaving, the Jekyll and Hyde personalities are complicated to deal with. Somehow they are able to convince you, that your the one at fault.
To a certain degree the more you allow, the more doors of disrespect you open, as physical abuse was limited, "as I told him never again will you touch me, do you hear me?? "This is where control became much more an issue, limiting contact with other people, and verbal abuse, both which eat away at the soul.
Why we do what we do, societal view of failure, the you made your bed, you lie in it philosophy, she must have deserved it mentality, ignorance, pride, insecurity, but definetly not stupid.
It is for Jessie who I write this, her husband sits in prison for beating her, she hides in fear for the day he is released. She has these big beautiful gray eyes and warm smile and she definetly does not deserve all that she has been going through. Because of the courts and her two children, she will never completely be able to go into hiding, as believe it or not, despite his extreme violence he still has rights as their father. My heart breaks for that which I can do so little about, other then to raise consciousness, that no human being deserves to be treated with so little respect for life.
The fuzzy shades of right and wrong cross cultural barriers, but whether it be intimidation, verbal abuse, or physical violence, no one!!! not child, nor man or woman, deserve to be treated in away that strikes out with fear on the heart and soul or physical being. So for all the Jessie's in the world, who have found the courage to stand up and fight back through the system, may the system not abandon them.
It isn't easy to reach out and help those in need, but it can be done. I was walking home from work it was starting to get a little gray and a man and woman seem to be in their late 20's were physically struggling. No one seem to be around, let her go!, he burst out in anger, " mind my own business. " I said let her go or I am calling the police. He released her for a moment and she ran up to main street. Was I frightened of interfering in a situation I was uncomfortable with? Yes, but I would have been more upset had I not intervened. How many times do we close our eyes as to not be involved? How many times do we turn our head? How many times do we say they deserve what is coming to them? How many times do we say it won't happen to us? How many times do we stereo type? How many times will the cyle of abuse carry over? How many must die,before as a whole we really care?