Saturday, September 8, 2007


Heartbreak.... it comes at any age. Exactly what is heartbreak, heartbreak is defined as overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.I define heartbreak as a mass of confusion that stirs the emotions to the extreme.
I find that men and women deal with heartbreak in many ways. There are the outward signs, the negative flames that fuel revenge, stalking and outward rage, to the more unnoticed signs of depression, issues of self worth and severe degrees of inner pain.
I felt hopeless many times as I watched my own son's going
through break ups in their young lives. Currently my seventeen year old is dealing with the emotions of the broken heart. He said" I am confused, I want to love her and I want to hate her." A fairly typical response to a situation that presently appears without answers.
No other relationship do we put such stress on a person as we do in a romantic relationship. We start with friendship and we build upon it only to find that can be torn down with a few simple words. Typically a break up is just that a period of time for grieving. It is ok to feel the various emotions of love and hate, as it our mind and hearts way of seeking the truth and responsibly dealing with it.
The typical response from a parent to a child who is has a break up, it that " there are plenty of fish in the sea" Unfortunately one or the other doesn't want to hear that, when they believe that they have met the companion for life. I find that young men especially have a hard time excepting the emotions that are flooding outward from the deepest parts of their soul. A healthy response is to try and understand the good and bad of a period of time in your life and like "blowing in the wind" letting go of the negative and focusing on the positive. The experience becomes a step in growth and a major lesson in understanding your own inner emotions as well as your dreams for the future. The key is to know when to let go and when to move on and more importantly how to move on. Keeping busy, maintaining a friendship basis varied individuals will bring a certain amount of healing but most of the healing will come with time.
Teenage years are one of the most complicated times in a young person's life, it is the steps into adulthood, the lessons of life, and a total over hall of the human experience that is found with emotion. There is no doubt that some of us may respond to rejection differently in adulthood then we would in our youth, but that does not make the experience any less painful.
High-school romance in this day and age cannot nearly be compared to the day and age I grew up in. The seventy's were a time of great change and awareness and sexuality had become a big part of it. In this day and age the young romance is complicated with early sexual experimentation. Thus confusing an already complicated time of extreme hormone levels and the growing period of great psychological demands. The early stage of intimacy creates another level in which
morale and social issues arise. I find that in the male perspective young men especially are concerned on how the other guys are viewing them.
Locker room conversations reveal that labeling goes on early in life, as this places an individual social grouping.
I do believe that teenagers need to socialize, but I don't believe they should become a one on one romance as they are still learning their place in the community at large and growing and changing at a extremely high speed.
To my son who is feeling all the emotion today of heartbreak, tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day will begin and you will not be free of the memories for the last two years. Someone has entered your life and has become a part of who you are. As you let go and begin to grow you will find that the pain never goes way but softens like butter on a hot day and will slowly fade as new memories will take the place of those of yesterday.

I think that young men and women are doing themself a misjustice having sex at an early age. One good friend that last a lifetime is better then one day of sex that last 5 minutes. There is time and a place for everything, a time to cry, a time to laugh, time of heartbreak, a time of healing.

Today a darkness may appear in the saddest shade of gray, but it will only morph in color as you live, love and grow as a young man and see that tomorrow will bring colors warm as the sun.


Matty said...

When my son was 19, he had his heart broken. At the time I worried about him. He was very depressed...I made sure his friends and brother would take turns taking him out, keeping him busy.
It didn't help that I told him...that 'this too shall pass' and one day you'll be over that time his hurt was so huge, he didn't want to live. But slowly, eventually he did get over it....and met another.
I too feel that sometimes they are much too young to be sexually involved, too young to be 'one'..they need to find their own identities. Rejection is like death..and they are too young to have to go through this experience.
Yes, they should learn to socialize with the opposite sex...get to know each other but being celibate till they are mature enough to handle it.
It's difficult growing up in this fast-paced society.

Children with out voices said...

Hi Matty,
It is a very fast paced world. One thing that is long gone was it called the "blue law" ? Everything was shut down on Sunday and it was a day like no other.
Times change sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. I am posting
a email someone sent me it would be really humorous if it weren't so true.