Thursday, September 27, 2007

Love...


Healing is not Forgetting.......

Silly isn't it but I always thought you could live on love. There are those things we need to provide ourselves with to flourish in this world. A roof over our head and food in our bellies, that provides us with the tools to exist. Love is the tool that gives us the strength to reach out and touch others. We can use it to educate ourselves, to guide the next generation to provide a stable foundation for which our children can grow. Think how wonderful a child feels in the mothers arms, we should that all they way through out life. This song has always been simple and yet so
very true......what the world needs now is love sweet love, no not for some , but for everyone.

When we were children , we were told it takes more muscle to frown then to smile and that time is the great healer. I say heal but don't forget in fear of making the same mistakes and well by all means smile .. smile though your heart is breaking, smile what's the ......

Our Greatest gift


Awareness

Do not look unto your neighbor to label them with terms of abuse, but to lead them down the path of of alternative choices to discipline and life. As a babe waits to be born another cries at the hands of abuse.

Education births opportunity.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

let it be

September 27th is bloggers Unite


September 27th is bloggers unite, many unjust causes still exist in silence and if all we can do is bring awareness and create a bond world wide of the plight that humanity stands in struggle with , and hopefully turns the struggle into a united front. I created my blog to honor my sister who has passed away many years now. The abuse that I witnessed as I stood in fear scars the soul. Abuse is not one cause but many, wherevere you find , drug abuse, domestic issues and financial problems you will find some manner of neglect which will lead to abuse whether young or old.


There is a old carpenter's rule " measure twice , cut once. If people apply this rule to their lives, think twice, actions once. Then maybe we could cut the abuse in half, if we think about actions before we act upon them. I chose to bring out of archive the beginning and the end of a time in my life, a goodbye to all the yesterdays I didn't understand in hope of changing the path of tomorrow.
This blog was created for the silent cries that have gone unanswered. Children our most precious gift and undeniably our future. When does discipline become abuse? When does the dagger of words pierce the heart? How many children are left to care for themselves? When the boxcar scenario hits close to home.
When Angels Come To Visit....


Up in flames....
Guilt and Blame have no place, in the book of survival.We rarely stayed l in one house very long. The house I was born in was lost to back taxes and from that point on we were constantly on the move. Another neighborhood, another house, another set of issues to deal with. I was ten years old when my family was reunited. My grandmother had bought us a house, the first house I would call home. Six years in one place, despite the problems at home, I was now able to place roots. Making friends and finally having a degree of stability, as for the first time I was in same school for more then one year.This place that I called home, held both good and scary memories. It recently burnt to the ground and with that came a barrage of unwelcome thoughts. In one perspective, it was closure, the house of hell burnt to the ground, and another part of me felt a loss of connection. As if that part of life now had the door slammed shut. I looked on as the flames filled the sky. I felt numb and a chill shook from within. It was as if this final farewell, lit a chapter of the book of life into uncontrollable flames.
The four of us girls started out in one room of the attic. A smile came over me as I envisioned us girls and the sweet memories of my sisters singing and lulling to sleep beyond the fears of the day. With little resources, we were instilled with a love for lyrics and music. I could almost hear the second oldest singing, they called the wind.........and then quickly my head bounced around as thoughts of the screams in the night, the breaking of glass, the sound of police car sirens, replaced the beauty of her voice.

``
Conclusively paradise is not something you create,
or buy, nor is it a place you can travel to find.
Inside each of us is a magical place unexplored, when
you knocked at the door of my heart and I answered
I found home..... I love you and welcome home.
I reread the post and thought once again of the place I called home. I learned to play jacks on the back porch, my sister sun bathed on the roof and I painted my room red white blue with flags , patriotic hun. Yet I remember standing behind my mothers bedroom door when gun shot went off .
I just attended a event this weekend, I met a woman who seem to be drawn to me , the more I spoke the more chills you could see appear. She agreed that people care more about a beating to a dog then a beating to a child. I told her to look around at everyone at that festival whether for defense or in anger everyone there is capable of murder, she replied " scary thought " There is a fine line that if pushed a response to life becomes less then pleasant. My goal is to give not charity but choice, an alternative to stepping over that line. The most difficult part of society is the wide range of views, so we lean to the majority and pray they are right.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Reflection



The reflection clearly provides us with an external image,
only to keep hidden an array of color yet to unfold.

Image

Life is a huge game based on image. What is image? It is what people portray or an outer exterior of who they are. On the positive note people might want create a look of vitality, confidence and sophistication or try to blend in with a group or this could be taken completely the opposite way and the negative could surface. Just for one moment think of your own secrets and thoughts that enter your mind, not necessarily the ones you act on and now turn your self inside out, what is it people would see? Vulnerabilities, fantasy, weakness, dreams,desire,hatred, ignorance,etc.
One of the first lessons of a child as they start to mingle with other children is to stop and think before speaking, as not to hurt another person emotionally. Are we what people expect us to be or what we want them to believe we are? To meld into society I believe we do drape ourselves in that of the societal norm. Whether we fall in the category of leadership or as a follower, we are trying to fulfill the expectations of the majority, rather then follow our own gut instinct or intuition, in fear of being ridiculed. Yet I find there is darker side in people, the side they hide, everyone has it to a degree, some act out on it and others carefully keep it hidden. Maybe it is by our own willing that we put people on pedestals, only to watch them fall.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

To thy own self be true..........It's not always about right or wrong it's about difference.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The good and bad of change

1963 and 2007


Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.




1963 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to
his get his to show Jack.


2007 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and
never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1963 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up
best
friends Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge


1963 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal.
Sits still in class


2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets
extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.



Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him
a
whipping.

1963 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college,
and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster
care
and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she
remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom
has
affair with psychologist.


Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1963 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking
dock.

2007 searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1963 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a
special
school for expectant mothers.

2007 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the
ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without
her parent's consent or knowledge, Mary given condoms and told to be more careful.


Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1963: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007: Pedro's cause is taken up by ultra-liberals. Newspaper articles
appear
nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for
graduation
is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and
diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't
speak
English.


Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July,
puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1963 - Ants die.

2007 - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic
terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers
confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed
to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.
He is found crying by his teacher, Mary, who hugs Johnny to comfort him.

1963 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
faces 3 years in State Prison.



And this is what we call progress?



Sunday, September 9, 2007

Actions Speak Louder then Words

A question was raised by one of our readers, "when does discipline become abuse?" This is no clear cut answer, as we step into that arena we view varied cultural, religious and different gauges of morality. To bring a clear vision of what is acceptable I found that we must review what our responsibilities are to raising our children.
1) Love, where love flourishes a child grows. Exactly how we show love and give love will also vary.
2) Provide, a child should be cared for with a secure home setting one that provides adequate shelter, warmth in winter, food , water, clothing , medical care and the necessities to take them from home to the outside world.Home should be the safe haven from the the outside world, a place where the feel safe.
3) Education, we should teach children responsibilities that fit their age group and provide them with the outreach to learn.
4) Survival skills, include love, comfort, understand, education, security,
safe environment.


Parents should disagree behind close doors but bring unity to discipline in front of the children. I imagined the question that was proposed was where do you draw the line with physical punishment?. Personally I don't believe in physical punishment, a child is no different then an adult. I say if you do something that someone doesn't like and your adult and they hit you it is called assault and battery charge, so why would it be right to physically hurt a child when you don't like something?Usually it is a parents lack of parenting skills, temper that has a parent striking out against a child.

So what is unacceptable discipline? Taking away the necessities of life are surely unacceptable, instead of taking away give more time, talk with children, teach by example and above all listen to a child's cry for help. A parent is the first teacher a child will encounter. You are forming a platform for the future.

Depending upon the age of the child, discipline varies in very young children and even in ages of young adults time out works, it gives them to calm down, to think of their actions and encourages a calm. Firm discipline is another way of dealing with situations that are not warranted, in this area you can take away a luxury something they enjoy that is not necessary for life. This brings awareness to an unwanted situation. Most importantly communicate, communication is necessary to perform a parenting job properly.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent and no two child rearing situations are indentical. Asks your self before you discipline, as an adult would I like that done unto me?.Simple rule" do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Children are not complicated they demand love and love is a warm and happy setting in which to grow up.
When my children of all ages sit down beside me in the evening and talk of school, their day and what is happening in their life that gives me a sense of pride for we have gained mutual respect for one another.

Child abuse and neglect are defined by Federal and State laws. The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) is the Federal legislation that provides minimum standards that States must incorporate in their statutory definitions of child abuse and neglect. The CAPTA definition of "child abuse and neglect" refers to:
"Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm"

We have a saying around our house that we used and awful lot when our children were growing up. " If you think it's wrong, it's wrong." That is true for parents as well as children if a situation enters your mind and you have to second guess then chances are don't do it.

Actions speak louder then words, a child will learn ten fold from what you do then what you say.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Heartbreak

Heartbreak.... it comes at any age. Exactly what is heartbreak, heartbreak is defined as overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.I define heartbreak as a mass of confusion that stirs the emotions to the extreme.
I find that men and women deal with heartbreak in many ways. There are the outward signs, the negative flames that fuel revenge, stalking and outward rage, to the more unnoticed signs of depression, issues of self worth and severe degrees of inner pain.
I felt hopeless many times as I watched my own son's going
through break ups in their young lives. Currently my seventeen year old is dealing with the emotions of the broken heart. He said" I am confused, I want to love her and I want to hate her." A fairly typical response to a situation that presently appears without answers.
No other relationship do we put such stress on a person as we do in a romantic relationship. We start with friendship and we build upon it only to find that can be torn down with a few simple words. Typically a break up is just that a period of time for grieving. It is ok to feel the various emotions of love and hate, as it our mind and hearts way of seeking the truth and responsibly dealing with it.
The typical response from a parent to a child who is has a break up, it that " there are plenty of fish in the sea" Unfortunately one or the other doesn't want to hear that, when they believe that they have met the companion for life. I find that young men especially have a hard time excepting the emotions that are flooding outward from the deepest parts of their soul. A healthy response is to try and understand the good and bad of a period of time in your life and like "blowing in the wind" letting go of the negative and focusing on the positive. The experience becomes a step in growth and a major lesson in understanding your own inner emotions as well as your dreams for the future. The key is to know when to let go and when to move on and more importantly how to move on. Keeping busy, maintaining a friendship basis varied individuals will bring a certain amount of healing but most of the healing will come with time.
Teenage years are one of the most complicated times in a young person's life, it is the steps into adulthood, the lessons of life, and a total over hall of the human experience that is found with emotion. There is no doubt that some of us may respond to rejection differently in adulthood then we would in our youth, but that does not make the experience any less painful.
High-school romance in this day and age cannot nearly be compared to the day and age I grew up in. The seventy's were a time of great change and awareness and sexuality had become a big part of it. In this day and age the young romance is complicated with early sexual experimentation. Thus confusing an already complicated time of extreme hormone levels and the growing period of great psychological demands. The early stage of intimacy creates another level in which
morale and social issues arise. I find that in the male perspective young men especially are concerned on how the other guys are viewing them.
Locker room conversations reveal that labeling goes on early in life, as this places an individual social grouping.
I do believe that teenagers need to socialize, but I don't believe they should become a one on one romance as they are still learning their place in the community at large and growing and changing at a extremely high speed.
To my son who is feeling all the emotion today of heartbreak, tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day will begin and you will not be free of the memories for the last two years. Someone has entered your life and has become a part of who you are. As you let go and begin to grow you will find that the pain never goes way but softens like butter on a hot day and will slowly fade as new memories will take the place of those of yesterday.

I think that young men and women are doing themself a misjustice having sex at an early age. One good friend that last a lifetime is better then one day of sex that last 5 minutes. There is time and a place for everything, a time to cry, a time to laugh, time of heartbreak, a time of healing.

Today a darkness may appear in the saddest shade of gray, but it will only morph in color as you live, love and grow as a young man and see that tomorrow will bring colors warm as the sun.

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