Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Living with mentally ill parents. Mental health issues are unlike any other illness. Unlike a physical illness you can't see it and unlike drugs and alcohol, you have no crutch in which to place blame. To the outside world many mental health issues go unknown. For the children of the mentally ill, It has best been described as a war zone with no obvious sides. Since schizophrenia seems to involve multiple genes, it's certainly possible to inherit only some of them and be affected in a different way. Other conditions such as depression, panic disorder, Asperger's or Autism, or even extraordinarily low self esteem seem to be common among children of parents with schizophrenia. This could be related to genetic inheritance, the general stress of being a primary caregiver to a mentally ill parent, or a combination of factors.
Some children also exhibit symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), the result of, as one child who grew up with schizophrenic parents, "growing up in a war zone with no training, no army behind us, [and] no rules."
It's very important for children of mentally ill parents, whether they are formally diagnosed with a disorder or not, to get support for their own difficult situations.
There is also a fear that the apple don't fall far from the tree and that mental illness is contagious or our genetic might predispose us to this mental health weakness.
Whether we are entering a relationship or we are an individual caught up in mental issues, some tabu's need to be removed. 1. Mental health many times has no warning signs and than again smart people have mental heath issues. . 2. Loyalty to family is not a form of condoning, sometimes it is guilt, fear and love for family. 3. Social skills, Being shut off from so called normal people produces both physically and psychologically issues,what is normal? 4. Life skills, are sometimes as simple as how do we respond to negative situations or simple everyday ones. 5 Mental health issues are not contagious but can predispose us to extreme situations of anger, depression and stress. 6. . Fear: Fear of becoming like the ill parent, or fear of becoming ill themselves this may alter their own lives. 7. Love or to not love a parent, to forgive or to not forgive. Children of mentally abused parents carry an extreme burden that few would undestand unless they themselves grew up in a mental ill family. Secrets that stay hidden in the closet and others that are never so easily hidden all play a nasty game on children. Who is the enemy? who are we at battle with? who do we love? what is normal? Can we forgive? how do we remove the stigma of mental health? Is there a cure? Why me? Can it happen to you? Sometimes we are predisposed genetically, other times it's social factors as well as circumstances and others factors as time and place. My mother chose to take her life, she had 4 children and she didn't know where to turn for help. She jumped form the 16th street bridge , the children live her sin.
Whether we are entering a relationship or we are an individual caught up in mental issues, some tabu's need to be removed.
1. Mental health many times has no warning signs and than
again smart people have mental heath issues. .
2. Loyalty to family is not a form of condoning, sometimes
it is guilt, fear and love for family.
3. Social skills, Being shut off from so called normal people produces both physically and psychologically issues,what is normal?
4. Life skills, are sometimes as simple as how do we respond to
negative situations or simple everyday ones.
5 Mental health issues are not contagious but can predispose us to extreme situations of anger, depression and stress.
6. . Fear: Fear of becoming like the ill parent, or fear of becoming ill themselves this may alter their own lives.
7. Love or to not love a parent, to forgive or to not forgive.
Children of mentally abused parents carry an extreme burden that few would undestand unless they themselves grew up in a mental ill family. Secrets that stay hidden in the closet and others that are never so easily hidden all play a nasty game on children.
Who is the enemy? who are we at battle with? who do we love?
what is normal? Can we forgive? how do we remove the stigma
of mental health? Is there a cure? Why me? Can it happen to you?
Sometimes we are predisposed genetically, other times it's social factors as well as circumstances and others factors as time and place.
My mother chose to take her life, she had 4 children and she didn't know where to turn for help. She jumped form the 16th street bridge , the children live her sin.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tammy Gail Hanna Morris
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend...."Our Angel In Heaven"
March 13, 1959-June 21, 1981
Stalked and shot to death by the husband she was divorcing. His statement at the time of his arrest: "If I can't have her, no one is going to."
Janne L. Walters
August 3, 1957- September 13, 1998
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Mother, Grandmother and Best Friend
Janne's neck was broken when she told her abusive boyfriend to move out. Dearly loved and always missed.
Richard G. "Rick" Whitcomb, Jr.
May 10, 1972- January 19, 1996
"Rick was murdered by his abusive ex-girlfriend, Vickie L. Frost, 5 days after he ended their relationship. She stabbed him once in the chest, severing his left ventricle. He was pronounced dead less than an hour later. She was sentenced to only 7 - 25 years for taking his precious life. Rick is "Home Free" in heaven and we look forward to the day when we will see his smiling face once again."
Anna Mae Cox
Mother, Mema, Daughter, Sister and Believe
Rachel Susan Miller
Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend
May 27, 1970- April 26, 2000
Stalked and Battered by her first husband. She was called home to God 13 days after the brutal assault. Bruce Daniels changed his plea to guilty to charges of murder before trial was to begin and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Complete transcript of Bruce Daniels Interview with the police is linked below, as is the transcript of his hearing where he changed his plea to guilty. Rachel leaves behind a daughter, two sisters, three brothers and countless friends who miss her very much.
Christopher Nicolas Miller, Unborn Child
Rachel Miller was pregnant with Baby Christopher when Rachel was murdered. Bruce Daniels received no punishment for killing Christopher because of a technicality.
Tyler Edmond Daniels Miller
May 17, 1989- June 11, 2001
Beloved Son, Brother, Nephew, Cousin, Friend
Killed himself because he could not bear the pain of his mother's murder from Domestic Violence by his biological father, Bruce Daniels. Tyler was 12 years old.
Nichole Francine Garrett
Beloved Daughter, Mother, Friend
February 12, 1969- November 7, 1999
Former battered wife, now deceased.
Brian William Craig
February 1, 1966 - July 3, 1989
Heather Lynne Williamson
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Friend
May 21, 1976- April 19, 1999
Stalked, Beaten, and Stabbed to death by an ex- boyfriend 9 months after ending their relationship.
Matthew James Williamson
January 20, 1977- January 20, 1977
Stillborn child, died as a result of a hard blow to his pregnant mother's stomach by his father.
Cynthia Rena Williamson
December 23, 1978- December 23, 1978
6 1/2 month old fetus, died as a result of her pregnant mother being kicked in the stomach with steel tipped workboots by her estranged father.
Melissa Faye Lonon
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Mother, Friend
May 20, 1981- November 5, 1999
Kidnapped and shot to death by her estranged boyfriend and father of their children, when she tried to end their relationship.
Wendy Ann Croote
February 28, 1966- June 24, 1990
Abused Wife and Mother of a young son, pregnant with another son. Shot to death by her husband.
"She was loved and will always be missed. She will remain Forever Young. Love, Mom and Dad".
Baby David Croote
June 24, 1990- June 24, 1990
"Our little darling, we never got to hold you or kiss you. In your Mama's arms forever. Love, Grandma and Grandpa".
Wylea Estee' Smith
Beloved Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, "Lil Girl", Friend
March 31, 1966- August 19, 1994
Stalked and Murdered by an ex- boyfriend.
Beloved Daughter and Friend, Aspiring model
July 14, 1981- January 4, 1999
Abducted and shot January 3, 1999. She died the next day at age 17.
Rosmari Elaine Celeste Pleasure
September 12, 1963-March 2, 1998
Gunned down by a male acquaintance in the driveway of her Memphis home.
A More Excellent Way, Inc. (AWay) was born in response to this tragedy and is committed to bringing an end to these violent acts that plague our community.
James "Jamie" William McCombs, Jr.
Beloved Son, Father and Friend
February 12, 1973- May 12, 1998
Shot twice with a .22 rifle and tortured by Anthony Allen Myers. Myers, along with his wife, Rebecca Lynn Myers, who is Jamie's ex- girlfriend and mother of his daughter Ashley Marie (deceased November 22, 1997 under suspicious circumstances), confessed and pleaded guilty to Jamie's murder in a hearing on October 27, 2000. Anthony Myers was sentenced to life without parole for first degree murder, 30 years for armed robbery, and 5 years for use of a firearm during a violent crime; Rebecca Lynn Myers was sentenced to life without parole for aiding and abetting murder and first degree burglary after the fact.
Lauren Elizabeth Hafford
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, and Friend
February 17, 1977 - April 13, 1999
Physically and emotionally abused by the man she loved, her husband. She left him, because he did not follow through on promises to get the counseling he needed. She was at work, talking to her sister on the phone, when he shot her in the back of the head at point-blank range.
Gina Marie Lupson-Holden-Young
Beloved Daughter, Mother, Sister, Friend
June 1, 1967- June 9, 1993
Shaun Edward Lupson-Holden
Beloved Son, Grandson, Brother, Nephew, Friend
December 1, 1989- June 9, 1993
Joshua Lee Lupson-Holden
Beloved Son, Grandson, Brother, Nephew
November 10, 1992- June 9, 1993
*All three, Mother and two young sons, perished in an arson- related fire in their home, started by Gina's husband when he doused the home with gasoline, lit a match and walked away unscathed. He was sentenced on October 10, 1995 to three consecutive life sentences.*
February 28, 1964- April 25, 1999
Beloved Mother, Daughter, Niece
"Attacked and beaten in the head with a hammer; several of the 5 blows penetrated her brain. Her husband broke into her home only four days after being released from jail for breaking an order of protection against him. She lived on life support for three days before she died. All her family's love and prayers could not bring our dear Kim back. During her attack her step father went to check on her and he also was beaten with the same hammer by Kim's husband. He has permanent brain injuries to this day. In many cases there is physical violence from the beginning. In our situation, he was never physically abusive to her, not until he realized she wanted a life without him. He is awaiting trial for Kim's murder and the state is seeking the death penalty. Kim is forever missed by her family and her many friends. Her daycare babies will always remember Kim even though they were so young when this happened. Kim is forever loved and sadly missed by her four children, her mother and Aunt Toni."
Sharon Kaye Flick
Murdered by her husband December 27, 1988. She was stabbed 40+ times with an ice pick after enduring beatings all day.
Judy Beth (Jones) Coulson
Beloved Sister and Aunt
Murdered by her ex- husband. She was shot twice in the back with a shotgun and died trying to reach the phone for help.
Denise Robin Edwards
Murdered by her boyfriend.
January 16, 1971- February 14, 2001
Friday, October 16, 2009
I want to thank Gail for her sincerity and kindness as she embraces her own journey in a road that has many twist and turns. Someone once said help comes to those who help themself, and this may or may not be true. It never hurts to have a helping hand.
What is Abuse? - A Warning List
- pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
- threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
- threatening suicide to get you to do something
- using or threatening to use a weapon against you
- keeping or taking your paycheck
- puts you down or makes you feel bad
- forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like
- keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work
YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My mother had a clear love hate going on for my father, I think she loved to hate him. She couldn't get away herself, she clearly wanted him dead. Saturdays were the typical cleaning day and flipping the mattress over each week was normal part of cleaning up. My mother had a bad habit of leaving her chosen weapons for the week either under the sofa cushions or bed pillows. It was really weird, you know it doesn't belong their but your afraid to touch it. The list is so long, guns, knives, hatchets, hammers, she just wanted the man dead.
I remember this one day, I thought that the new house and going back home was a sign that the bad memories were behind us. I can't really tell you what they fought about, lot of times it was other people. My mother a people person and my father completely opposite. This one day, my mother grabbed my sister and I and threw us in the bedroom, my father was trying to kick the door in. She called his name out and said get away from the door, she moved the dresser in front of it. He still was pushing the door in and moving the furniture. She cocked the gun and she aimed it at the doorway. Bullet after bullet through the furniture into the door. We stayed in the room with her till early ours of the night. He always left but he always came back. I just don't understand any of it. I don't ever remember talking with anyone about it. You know even as brother and sisters we never spoke about it. I know it was normal, but I can almost say I didn't know what normal was, it was the only life I knew.
The following day my father came back and he fixed the holes in the furniture and the doorway as if it was expected. He always seem to blame us for mothers episodes, " look what you made her do! It's all your fault" It is something how you learn to read people, the eyes really do tell all. We would go off to school and were always afraid to go home. You never knew what to expect, I am not surprised, the teachers always called me a dreamer, little did they know.
We were expected to excel in school, to have straight A's to be perfect little children. Speak only when spoken to in a very structured setting. How could this be, how could such dysfunction expect so much from children, such perfection in such a hellish situation.
It wasn't like the episodes were once in a while they were chronic, day after day, some days worse than others. My father was very afraid of the system, afraid of his own mental issues. He use to threaten us regularly that if anyone ever knew that we would be taken away and never heard from again that it would all be our fault. It is not like the system didn't know, its documented in all the papers, the violence, the suicide, the consistent calls from neighbors for the police. The system knew they even sent social workers to the house. Well they didn't find anything wrong, the house was clean, we were dressed well, there was always food, nothing appeared out of normal. There we stood five children well dressed in a row, quiet, well behaved.
Were we children that fell through the cracks? Did the system not know what to do about it? Can you only help those who want help? I am not sure, there was a big age gap, so my brother and sister were the role models, the housekeeper, the cook, the baby sitters, they filled all the roles that you would expect parents to. They kept the secrets of their pain well hidden.
I remember really cold nights with no heat and only the tics that my mother use to sew. She would sit in the rocker chair her mind a million miles away and she would just sit and sew and sew. My mother she not only went to the doctors for medicine for herself but she also gave the symptoms of my father so she would get medicine for him. Oh the games they played. I try to think what set them off, sometimes it was absolutely nothing. But a calm could become a madness really quickly.
My eldest sister went to court and filed forms for legal emancipation she was fourteen, she gained her freedom by demonstrating her financial independence as well as a place to live. My parents were furious and battled to get her back, once home they beat her so badly she could not walk not sit. She had health issues, she suffered from a kidney disease and that is one of the few things my parents did provide was medical help. She again moved out and I remember the quarelling and the ugliness. We lived by the river at this time, but we were always moving, every year another place, none of them were home. In a huge argument my each parent blaming the other until my mother yelled enough, enough! She took a knife from the kitchen he tried to hold her back and the knife entered his stomach. Wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last but it was one of the most serious, he lay out in front of the house nearly bleeding death. My brother and sisters stuffed the wound with bread. The ambulance was summoned and he denied any domestic abuse, he said he was attacked by a stranger.