The Apple Don't Fall ar from the Tree...

I have heard this quote many times, " we are not a dysfunctional family, why us?" or "I have several children why this one?" I wanted to address this. Pregnant seven times, each pregnancy extremely unlike the next. There were no similarities at all, other then morning sickness that I had quite a lot of. But as each child was laid to breast, I could sense that new born child's personality. Their aggressiveness to eat or a laid back calmness.
As the children matured many traits in them appeared, as early as kindergarten I could see their future. Each personality forming from
infancy on. Actually I remember telling my sister that my second born could have been her son, his personality was identical to hers. There is a
inherited feature, and then there is the the positioning of line up. The eldest child is always likely to be a high achiever, a parent usually has more time with this child and then the opposite is so for other siblings.So I do believe we have to look at each child as a individual, their strengths and weaknesses. We cannot change the personality of each child,but we can make ourselves aware of the differences. Then we can direct and guide, those particular personalities. The times our children live in are of a high pressuring time with a great need for some to fit in. I find it pretty simple you either are a leader or a follower and rarely do we fall into another category.
It is not to look at your child in judgement but to view their standing in the world. Where do they lean, what traits are strongest. It is true that any family can be subject to alcohol and drug abuse, the only difference is what are you willing to do about it? Are you accepting negative behavior and becoming a family member who encourages ill behavior or are you standing strong and reaching for alternatives to combat and provide choices.
There is only one difference between children who are raised in a dysfunctional family to those who are not and that is basic knowledge, what way can we handle the problems in life?
I have never had alcohol in my household and we lived off the land for herbs and a healthy alternative to the commerical lifestyle Yet still as my sons matured and moved on their own way, they were confronted with alcohol, drugs and the many ways of the world. I remember sending them off to kindergarten and knowing at that time they were going to be introduced to a world much unlike they were raised in.
I remember my son a way at college and writing home the world is not like that " according to mom." We have discussions on what is social drinking and what is not acceptable, and how it very much has to do with individual. And the most important the right to say no, I don't drink thank you. A person can easily abuse food and be over weight, abuse alcohol and be a alcoholic, abuse life and be stagnant.
What do we do and how do we guide? The answer is as individual as each family. Look unto yourself for the answer for that is where you will find
the guidance through love and sometimes some children need just a little more love. Love comes in many ways, it is a strong no, and warm hug and sometimes it is discipline, but it is still love.
A lot of pressure is on a parent and our children, it is not failure nor is it a fault to need help. People are quick to point fingers, but there is only one person you need to answer to and that is the reflection in the mirror.

When you wake up and you look in the mirror and you like what is looking back....then all is right with the world.

Peace or Madness?

In the darkest corners of the mind, we battle was is. Unmolded and awaiting to be transformed ....

Some Say I'm a Dreamer....

A Special Thank You to Pat from Child lost for your support of children without voices. I think of the title of your post" child lost" and I believe as children many of us are lost in many ways. We were taught never to ask the Lord for anything, because he would frown down on that and that the opposite would happen, because to ask would makes up greedy children and The Lord never answered to greed. Before I would go to bed at night, I would ask the Lord for one thing , Make me strong enough that I may help myself and in return help others. For 40 yrs I repeated the same request and to this day....I say Lord help me to be strong enough that I may help myself in order that I may help others.


I never denied that the ten year old in me is alive. At ten years of age we are between a young adult and a child as we view the world through the eyes of the remaining child. Many a summer day did I stare up into the clouds and makes pictures in my mind. I could vision far away lands and this is so funny as I had never had a pizza and I can remember to this day a little boy named Danny saying what do you see in those clouds and I said a Pizza/ I had never a pizza and all the kids would go to the pizza shop to hang out. Ahhh the experiences stand out in your memory, I was seventeen yrs old when I was on my first date and I can still see the shop owner spinning the pizza in the air. Growing up in a sheltered world, but not sheltered from the hell , just from the experiences outside the world that was created for us. I walked through most of life as if tape had sealed over my mouth and voiceless I remained for many a years.

I have this special friend who stands by me in time of crisis and times when my legs are so wobbly I fear to stand up for myself. One day we are gonna drive by and stop in the field and gaze into the clouds and make pictures. That is a promise...

It is not of shame to have a weakness, for human are we and the need for interaction with others is a necessity for growth, for nothing is more of a waste then to stand still in stagnant muddy waters. Step outside and how much clearer the vision will be...years back I was on the phone having a conversation with my then confident and I said I am afraid, and the response was "welcome to the real world." Fear is a natural emotion that is placed in our survival kit, but we have to make sure that we don't under use or over use any particular emotion for that will either give us the flotation device to make it to shore or a anchor to drown in the roughest of waters.

In the clouds I see so many things......... an escape, hope, desires, dreams and much, much more.

Child Lost

Fathers Day

We can thank Hallmark for continuing to support guilt ridden holidays. It is not that I hold anger in my heart,nor allow bitterness close to my soul, nor that I cannot overcome or let go of the past.The future becomes the past and we are in the drivers seat when it comes to what path we shall journey. As I thought of my father, I was filled with mixed emotion... the child who felt both the arms of love and the hand of anger, the voice of song and words of hate.

Happy Fathers Day Pappa!

If this be my judgement, what be thy crime?

~~~

Friends

When I was reaching you were reaching back.

The Journey

If taken the scenario, loss of jobs, illness and a blurb of negativity and place it into several different families. How does each survive the situation depends on how they were taught to handle the stresses of life. Options, what are our options? How do we react? What time frame do we have to work with.
I believe our youth plays a greater part on how we deal with life. Family support is a crucial element of stability and guidance that leads us to make proper choices. Invisible barriers that retain the spirit and block conscious thought. I never thought marrying outside ones faith and culture would complicate life. The United States has been known to be the melting pot, where we all come together. Though I believe like minds and spirit come from inside, the conditions with which we are raised play a part in our mental outlook. The anger is not always from the unity of couple but the lack of acceptance from extended family members.
In times of deep confusion is when family should be strengthened, I find it is the opposite, more like the weak threads are broken, leaving major holes for us to fall through.Controlling partners, some call it old school, ethnic related and sometimes just the insecurity that one partner has that they pierce anger at their own partner when down.
The years have gone by quickly and at times I feel as if there is black drape over many days, but as I look back I see how choices mapped the future.In many instances I believe that we are on this path to experience, and the progression of both good and bad experiences is a gathering of information to explore all possibilities for a future means of prevention.

Old adages maintain their place through history, as they are based on life experience. For the sin is not in making a mistake, but in maintaining repetitive negative behavior. If we fail to learn from mistakes, then we become “ a part of the problem, not the solution.” This track through life is to gather as many experiences as possible and leave behind a more clearer path for our children to journey on.

“Lord why have you abandoned me? My child I have not abandoned you ,it as this time I carried you.” I don't ask to be carried Lord, but to feel your strength beside me, walk with me, guide me.

I hold the pen, he writes the words..