I have heard this quote many times, " we are not a dysfunctional family, why us?" or "I have several children why this one?" I wanted to address this. Pregnant seven times, each pregnancy extremely unlike the next. There were no similarities at all, other then morning sickness that I had quite a lot of. But as each child was laid to breast, I could sense that new born child's personality. Their aggressiveness to eat or a laid back calmness.
As the children matured many traits in them appeared, as early as kindergarten I could see their future. Each personality forming from
infancy on. Actually I remember telling my sister that my second born could have been her son, his personality was identical to hers. There is a
inherited feature, and then there is the the positioning of line up. The eldest child is always likely to be a high achiever, a parent usually has more time with this child and then the opposite is so for other siblings.So I do believe we have to look at each child as a individual, their strengths and weaknesses. We cannot change the personality of each child,but we can make ourselves aware of the differences. Then we can direct and guide, those particular personalities. The times our children live in are of a high pressuring time with a great need for some to fit in. I find it pretty simple you either are a leader or a follower and rarely do we fall into another category.
It is not to look at your child in judgement but to view their standing in the world. Where do they lean, what traits are strongest. It is true that any family can be subject to alcohol and drug abuse, the only difference is what are you willing to do about it? Are you accepting negative behavior and becoming a family member who encourages ill behavior or are you standing strong and reaching for alternatives to combat and provide choices.
There is only one difference between children who are raised in a dysfunctional family to those who are not and that is basic knowledge, what way can we handle the problems in life?
I have never had alcohol in my household and we lived off the land for herbs and a healthy alternative to the commerical lifestyle Yet still as my sons matured and moved on their own way, they were confronted with alcohol, drugs and the many ways of the world. I remember sending them off to kindergarten and knowing at that time they were going to be introduced to a world much unlike they were raised in.
I remember my son a way at college and writing home the world is not like that " according to mom." We have discussions on what is social drinking and what is not acceptable, and how it very much has to do with individual. And the most important the right to say no, I don't drink thank you. A person can easily abuse food and be over weight, abuse alcohol and be a alcoholic, abuse life and be stagnant.
What do we do and how do we guide? The answer is as individual as each family. Look unto yourself for the answer for that is where you will find
the guidance through love and sometimes some children need just a little more love. Love comes in many ways, it is a strong no, and warm hug and sometimes it is discipline, but it is still love.
A lot of pressure is on a parent and our children, it is not failure nor is it a fault to need help. People are quick to point fingers, but there is only one person you need to answer to and that is the reflection in the mirror.
When you wake up and you look in the mirror and you like what is looking back....then all is right with the world.
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