Thursday, April 26, 2007

Deliriously Rambles !

The joy of being a member of a large family is one by one spreading viruses and illnesses down the line. In the middle of a bout with a stomach virus that had instigated my gallbladder into reminding me how vulnerable we are in life. Feeling oh so green, I thought of people who were dealing with much more serious a crisis then a stomach virus. It reminded me of my mother who said, “ if you think you have it bad, someone else has it worse. “ I thought of all the worse case scenarios, it’s not lessoning this pain anybut I do feel ever so grateful that in a few days it will be over.
How much more difficult can life be? reading the newspaper shed nothing but the most serious of human malfunction. Mass murders, death of students, drive by killings, suicides, the list on going . After the fact is the big why question. Hopefully it means we can find away to prevent future hellish situations, though I doubt anytime soon. Everyone seems to want to place blame, as if this cleanses their soul by removing responsibility. Is it s a cultural phenomenon that is occurring? Are we observing the changes of a irresponsible generation that washes it’s hands of it’s neighbors problems? They are closing mental health hospitals more and more and less likely to admit people then let’s say in the years of the 1950’s. The laws and rules designed to protect over step the simplicity of right and wrong.There were cases where innocent people were admitted to hospitals or placed in prisons and now it is the opposite more and more dangerous people are allowed to walk the street in fear of stripping them of their rights. I understand both sides of the dilemma. I had just finished a article where a man was 25 yrs in prison for rape and recently free due to the current DNA test that proved his innocence. I thought My God! what greater hell then knowing your innocent and paying for the crime of another. It raised many questions of the equality of our judicial system, do we accept that one guilty man may walk, while one innocent man may suffer? This is a question we must ask, as we review the several years of rampant mental health issues. Shaking my head as I scanned the most recent of devastating acts, the gunning down of little girls at a Amish School, a university stripped of it’s one peaceful setting becomes the burial ground for thirty young people. The stories are endless and one as devastating as the next. Indeed the Devil must live in the minds of these perpetrators and work the hands of evil , for no illness in itself can be responsible for carrying out
such hellish acts.
Whom does responsibility lay for the drastic change in society? The very first responsibility has been placed on parents, but with laws to protect a few of the innocent also goes the dangerous of criminal minds freedom. As parents our hands are tied in many ways especially when it comes to our adult children. In the United States at seventeen they are your responsibility and at the magic age of eighteen they are an adult. I can recall my own son away at college and wanting to review his grades, the college said I would need his permission as he is now an adult. But when it came to financial responsibilities they had no problem contacting the parents and giving us green light to pay.. As any situation children young or adult in status are not as eager to share that they are having problems, it is a parents ongoing job to keep the eyes of awareness open. and yet constantly we find it becoming more and more difficult.
The groundwork for a moral upbringing is being placed in the hands of strangers. Children are early as two weeks of age are placed in day care centers and spend more of their waking hours in what is comparative to
orphanages. Young families making choices whether to raise their own children or stay a two parent working family. This alone does not place guilt on the parents, as many children will grow up in this situation to become fine young men and women working and living as a positive part of society. Though there are those who are troubled in a less then stable situation who will love, care and be alerted to the needs of these troubled children.
It is almost thirty years now since I had my first son . Many women at the time were choosing to retain their positions at work and start families. This wasn’t much a problem for those who had supportive husbands and extended families, such as grandparents and aunts. I was not as fortunate and did not have that option, day care centers were few and the choices limited. At the time my husband was home due to surgery and so I quickly accepted going back to work to my plush position at the officers club at our local bank. Though one question came to mind as my husband improved and was preparing to go back work. “ If my child stumbles who will kiss his/her’s boo boo’s . That was the only thought that entered my mind was who would love my baby, like I love my baby. I gave up after six months what was a very nice job with great benefits and income to raise my child. I did take on part time jobs in the evening through out the early years, raising money for the extras in life and yes there were choices of things to do with out. This is not merely about placing guilt on parents as we are heavily weighed with so much as it is. But a review of the very changes that are effecting the structure of our community. One where neighbors use to know neighbors, where children could play out front of there home without fear. Many changes are taking places some so minute we begin to over look them. Compounding they lead to the steps of ignorance which society at large is standing upon. What is the key importance in lif?. No job in the whole world can ever compare to that which is granted parents at the moment of a birth of a child. For at that moment of delivery we are becoming responsible for raising the next generation of viable, living and loving adults.
I have heard the phrase often used in the media that people are becoming numb to the violence that they no longer are shocked by it. I would like to know who these people are, because every time I hear of a drive by shooting, or any death where someone’s life was taken before their time, my heart sheds a tear. We as parents cannot take the full responsibility for the community at large, the industry of arts and the media must take their responsibility for the production of violent movies and lyrical songs which chant the most hellish of statements. It made me laugh as I wanted to connect to my teenage son and I attended a dance
held by the community and watched our youth dancing in what they called a mash pit. Which is one of the most violent dances I ever viewed as young people are pushing stepping on and supposedly relieving them selves of pent up anger. Thus it is true the statement “ we cannot go back, we can only go forward” which reminds me of watching the senate in action we don’t need more laws, more rules, more amendments. We need to back the ones already on the books. We need to act within our community in a more active way. It seems that many of us including myself at times take a more passive role in the decisions that closely effect our way of living. Our system is based on the voting system of democracy where we allow a few to make decisions for the many. Here is where we can make a difference for how many of us actually know who we vote for when we walk behind that curtain. Considering that God places us on the same plateau, scary thought as to who we allow to lead us.

Wealth is not measured by what one owns,
but what one carries in their heart.


Matty said...

Hi! Wonderful post...but again I beg to differ. You say "no illness in itself can be responsible for carrying out such hellish acts."

Yes it can. I'll give you one instance although there are many more. Son of Sam was diagnosed as 'paranoid schizophrenia',,,he listened to the demons in his head.

I truly believe if more people were diagnosed and helped with the proper medication there would not be so much tragedy.

Cho the killer of 32 students was mentally ill. The signs were all there, but nobody took the time to get him the help he needed. In the Asian community there is a lot of denial. Just admitting that your child is mentally health is too difficult, they take this as a failure, a 'loss of face'. His family is suffering as well.
His crime has devasted so many as well as his own family. I believe this could have been prevented.

Children with out voices said...

Hi Matty,I am sure that mental illness plays a big part in many violent situations. Unfortunately we cannot categorize them all under one title. I tend to believe in the "bad seed" because there are those who have schixophrenia and not filled with the evil thoughts. You must be instilled with evil at the onset to reach out and use is as a tool in your moment of weakness. Though that might sound contraditory because when threatened we might like the lioness of the jungle find the courage to protect. Such variance is like opening a can of worms,way to many in there. I have unfortunately witnessed violence and it comes without reasoning or cause....

Matty said...

Children without voices,
It's very easy to say 'bad seed'and therefore have your pat answer. I won't. Every seed must be fertilized or encouraged to grow.
I also was a witness to terrible violence, as well as a victim (being beaten and shot at)......I have a step-son who is in Kingston Penitentiary with Paul Bernardo who is evil personified......I have met with a top criminologist in Canada who was doing studies on sociopaths......evil is not just born like a bad seed,,,,,it is made. There is always a reason and cause if you care to investigate.
This is just my opinion, but I was fortunate/unfortunate to study violence up close.

Children with out voices said...

I feel the most lessons in life come from nature. Maybe its instinct or just my love for gardening. When start plants from seed, I find that some cannot be nutured. All seeds are not fertile, how does that reflect on life?

Children with out voices said...

That is the beauty of diversity, that we can have varied opinions.
There is scientific proof that genetics plays a big part in who we are from the time of conception and continues to develop in the womb.
I have previously discussed genetics and rats. Personality is not a process created from later nurturing, the blue print is instilled from the very beginning. To believe that love and nurture prevents all woes is to say a parent is bad because on of their children does not positively reflect in the common rules of society. In a family of ten and one child becomes a killer are they bad parents? Did they love less? That is an awful lot of pressure put on one person.
Everything we do is choice and we must weigh out what is best. When my sister died my mother accepted it by saying I had her for 30 some years, some people don't have their children for one. I do believe that it is not a excuse or a easy way out my reference to the bad seed. There are many reasons for violence,elimination helps those with drug and alcohol issues, those who are troubled and can be helped but then we must say to ourself is the saving one soul worth the death of many.
I went to the zoo with my children and my grandchild, many would say how wonderful that we could see the animals. One woman said if it wern't for the zoo we would never get a chance. There are tv shows, books and many other ways to teach children the respect for animals.
I watched as the apes and even the brown beer paced, is it right to keep them caged? It's def. not natural. Then on the other side if a rare monkey wasn't bread in captivity it might be today extinct. Many views to what is right and what is wrong. Societial view whether we are discussing animals or people, is what is best for the majority.
Children progess with many questions and one that I found fairly common was is why isn't life fair? Fair for who?