Sunday, April 15, 2007
House of Respect
A mix of rain and snow is falling down upon the hills, periods of calm and storm so reminded me of life. Abusive situations feed on the optimistic personality. Speaking with my eldest sisters about abusive situations and those she could not break away from her response was “I hoped things would get better.”mixed with various insecurities and fears.
The more stories I heard the more reason incompatible people stayed in situations that were not healthy.There were no number one causes, fear fell into many categories, fear of not being able to financially take care of yourself, to the ever so common stalker scenario. Laws not efficiently supporting those trying to escape domestic abuse, found many haunting stories of those beat and killed trying to escape the prison of domestic abuse. The time it takes the police to respond to a situation leaves the victim in the hands of danger one moment to long.
Still some families fought to stay together due to religion and vows. Preached many Sundays in church that a family that prays together stays together. There compiled heavily on the shoulders is another weight of guilt, adhering to vows that are some how broken along the way. My dearest friend was in a very abusive situation did she love her husband? indeed she did, though his drug addiction escalated to uncontrollable levels, the out lash of violence leaving scars upon her back ,marring her figure and her soul for life. As we spoke over the years she told me of her reach for help. She talked to her support groups , her parish priest only to be told he needs help, stand by him and support him. One violent episode to many and she found the courage to walk away. Not many women are as lucky as her to get out of such a violent situation. Many people stay and try to work it out, they do it for the church, they do it for their children, they do it out of ignorance, for whatever reasons, they thrive on a clear moment to make it through the fuzzy ones.
Courage leaves a marbled vision, the courage to stay or the courage to walk. Every families situation is very different. It is the many times that we experienced through childhood that gives us the lessons right or wrong that we adhere to in our adult life. Many are very silent and yet fall into our own code of ethics, do we walk out on a person when they are down, do we leave a ill person to tend for themselves. I think we can only help those who seek to be helped and that we should not have to be responsible for those adults who do not seek help.
Some people condone the situation they are in, it’s not as bad as it could be, it could be worse and how do I start over or do I want to?Giving young women the necessary tools of confidence to succeed in life is the first step to change.
Whether you attempt to enter a relationship or marriage, the vows should read. I shall respect my partner and recieve the same amount of respect at all times, I shall give love and recieve love and I will with you by my side build a home on the foundation of respect with the walls of love and fill it with peace, passion and joy, the harmony will provide for a roof of compassion during the difficult times.
Where trust does not exist the future of a relationship will see it's untimely demise, for no foundation can be built on soil that crumbles.