Friday, March 12, 2010
After I sat down and wrote to the blog, my sister called. We began to talk, she asked " what are you doing?" I told her I was writing on a blog. She said " what about?" Life! She is my eldest sister, there is a tight bond between her and I. She always seem to think she needed to shelter me from everything, from what goes on in life and even threw today. In her eyes no matter how I age, I am her little sister who needs protecting. I read a few of the pieces on the blog. I didn't feel good about it, she is always so strong and she just cried and cried and cried. She said" I didn't know you wrote about that, I didn't know". I told her it's of course my view, how the dysfunction affected me and how I find it to be my release, as if I am " blowing in the wind".
Healing, how we heal, how long it takes to heal, that all varies from individual to individual. How we view the terror in our minds, swallow and digest is also unique to each. Of course I have to remember that my eldest sister was my mother figure and for my sister who passed away the two of them were very close in age and had a completely different bond. For her the death still leaves a sour taste in her mouth, even after all these years. She blames herself for not reacting, fixing it, making it all better, putting a band aid on it all.
It all sheds light on the importance and the results that coming from being either the eldest, the middle child or the baby in a family. I never really gave it much thought but it all does make a difference in what you walk away with. Sis was always the one you leaned on, but she needs someone to lean on. I try to be that person for her, the little sister who has grown up.
I haven't cried in sometime, but the tears are not for me. I cry for Sis because she is in limbo. I sent her a package in the mail with some items that I feel might keep her busy and thus help her to heal.
This is the tricky part with life, the healing process. I had a friend, I guess you can call it a one sided friendship, I needed him and he ended up being a habitual liar. It took me sometime to get over that, but also it taught me how to stand and be accountable for my actions. I mention it only in the fact that it took me years to get over it. Listening, is quite a valuable quality to have, but many of us and I include myself in that fail to listen. Listen when others speak, listen to self,listen to heart and soul. The truth is always there, we just need to listen.
Healing, I don't know if we ever really heal. I know that over the years the blows are softened. It is not about forgetting because our experiences become a part of who we are. The healing process includes both the good and bad that we trail along on. There are a few things we can do to speed up the process, keeping our minds busy, helping those who have not found the courage to help them self and realizing that what happen, though as bad as it may seem is a part of life and the journey.
Why do bad things happen to good people? That is a very important question! I am not sure there is real good answer for that, wrong place, wrong time, there are many reasons we end up in our own little corner of our world. People like to point fingers, but I believe everyone is capable and more importantly able to find the healing process that will work for them. Have faith, think, react, seek, the goodness within your self. I believe everything and anything is possible, love is pure and un-adulterer and it is our first tool that we given which helps in the healing process.
Children are victims, they are the simplicity of life, they lean upon us for lessons of life, to learn, to speak, to find their place in the world. We can make a difference in the world if we look at this beautiful resource, our children. Stopping the cycle is not always easy, but it is possible. Give the children in your world a chance, give to your local boys clubs and children's clubs, volunteer with the children's organizations. Sometimes it's the only good memories some of these children will ever have.