Thursday, August 9, 2007

No Clear Cut Rules....

Children react differently to the same situation, there are many reasons for the variance. There is so much emphasis put on birth order, but the age that a child witnesses violence is responsible for their comprehension as well as lack of it.
Most parents will say "I treated all my children the same," but no two time periods are the same nor is the issues that arise in life identical. There fore each child will view life with a different perspective as it reflected on their individual needs.
There are some statistics through sibling analysis that prove on the average your sibling birth order will guide you into various directions.

First born or only children , over achievers, sensitive to parenting needs, more willing to please, matures faster, most likely to succeed, leadership, responsible.

Second born always feel slighted as if they can't measure up to the first born, so they become the opposite, and if more children follow in the family they may fall into several categories that of the second born or a middle child.

Middle children lack the authority of the eldest child and the freedom of the youngest, they fluctuate between being jealous to struggling for parents approval.

In larger families you will have a blend of children that vary on the scale as they struggle to find their place in the family line up.

The youngest child tends to lean towards rebellion, verbally out spoken with a intent not only to be heard but to make their mark in the family line up. Occasionally the baby for life and yet they seem to be given more freedoms then other siblings.
Responsibility at times is take off the parent and thrust on a older child to care for younger.
Many things can alter a child's actual position in life, the birth order is complicated by , how man children in a family, sex of the child, physical attributes, disabilities, intelligence and the overall atmosphere of the family and parents own order in their sibling line up.
In a family that falls short of stability and a healthy emotional atmosphere, communications skills maybe over looked, the positive messages that help build a child's self worth might fall sure of the encouragement needed to build a strong personality that is capable of dealing with adult pressures as life progresses.
When parents are struggling with their own plight in a sometimes unfriendly world, the emphasis on bringing humor and trust and the ultimate love into the home is tainted.
When parents are not being heard, then who listens to the children? The consequences of choices shall challenge the outcome.
Statistics may show a direct relationship between line up and family responsibility, but as you look at more families you will find that there are may who do not fall into the preliminary categories.
The Intelligence test measures only one form of intelligence a keen ability to remember, but I find that comprehension is much more important then how much you retain. If you remember a thousand books read but understand very little of what your reading then how important is the memory. A balance is crucial.
It is true that personality which is DNA mapped will also play a big part in how we view our parents and the horrid stories of childhood. My eldest sister for as much as we are similar we are so very different.
No amount of books or reading can bring a certain
measurement of and outcome, so much is effected by the surroundings, the nest, the love given or not, the age which it is witnessed and of course the inner strength or weakness of each child.
I originally began to write this blog because of my sister who has passed away many years now. She was the most abused of all the children and yet she never once complained, talked about it nor cried. I don't ever remember seeing her cry. She had such a fixed smile on such a beautiful heart and her silent cries continuously went unanswered. I am still sickened to this day as I reflect on the past and all that I had witnessed. If I allowed it to control me, I would be consumed with hatred for what my parents did. Though I seek to understand,I shall never forgive betraying the greatest gift given to a man and woman and that is of a child.

Children should not pay for the sins of the parents!!!!!!!!

As I write tears race down my cheek, for chapters that can never be erased. One thing is clear children understand much more at a earlier age then parents give them credit for. You don't need to be given an example to know right and wrong. My sister said as she seeked psychological help, I quit telling them the truth, because they don't want to believe five children went a lifetime in such an abusive situation without anyone reaching out to help.
My brother who still suffers paralysis also stopped telling the truth and he made up a story of a POW now that was believable to them.
I have always been grateful for my birth order, I believe that it gave me insight. The first question many who went to school with me as a child would ask is why did you shake so badly?
I had no response, constant ongoing abuse in the early years is devastating to children and alters the outcome that was predetermined by the Lord.
Working in a very poor community for 3 days for 15 hours a day has stirred horrible pictures in my mind. As I looked around at the young mothers who are caught up in a world that few will ever understand, my heart felt a ache. The young mothers gathered around as I tried to emphasize the importance of education, a drivers license and a value for their own life...... the tears I shed are not for myself but for those who may be caught up in a system that fails to see.
I am over the road for four days, I want to thanks those who dare to listen and make a difference in another persons life.
For children are the innocence that becomes the future, I weep for that future.


pat said...

I really enjoy reading your posts because you write with such passion. I spoke at a Women's Prison last week and most of those women were there as a result of some form of addiction. Many had witnessed the murders of their own mothers.Some grew up in crack houses. Most have children who are in foster care. It is a vicious cycle. How do we break it? Education? Resources? Orphanages? Our most valuable resource is being lost.

Children with out voices said...

My eldest son would be the first to agree with you, he works in the Florida State Prison System and he has said many times, they are in prison 99 percent of the time due to addiction of form or another.
A very important question how do we break the cycle. First and above all
they need to want to be helped. If You admit that you need help then intervention through education and outsources can be used to break the cycle. Most importantly and above all is early intervention.
I don't believe orphanages are an alternative, there are so many adults who want a child and can't find one to adopt and on the other end of the spectrum so many teenagers and drug addicted mothers giving birth to children without much thought of the consequences.
The community can go so far as to offering alternative life styles, but a individual must except responsibility.
Simply because everyone does not have the same level of intelligence we cannot come to any one particular answer. I believe as difficult as it may sound each individual case must be reviewed independently with a set of answers to respond and build a network to strengthen the infrastructure of a basic life.
As I see it a whole world feeds of of the poor, we have a complete government system that flourishes on those who cannot help them self.
If we truly worked on making people self reliant how many case workers, social workers,tech and such would be put out of work, not including security, prisons etc.The hierarchal system varies in society but it is simply measured by those with power and the powerless. In a sense it is much like the birds and animals in their chain at the top we have animals that are the predators and at the bottom those that become the victims.
I am reminded of the children's song, There was a old lady who swallowed a fly she swallowed fly to catch the frog, she swallowed th frog to catch... everything has its place and there are those who can't help them self and they fall at low end of the chain. But then there is another class of people who teeter and it is up to them to make a choice and lean in one direction or another. stop all woes, illness, drugs, violence, make the world perfect what happens to the hierarchal system as we know it.
I have always said education is so important but then there are those who make a choice to live the life they are in, knee deep in trouble.
You have three choices, minimum wage jobs, selling drugs, or live on the system..... what choice do they make. The drugs need to be stopped at the top, drug trade, gun trade, prostitution.
War on drugs? A war that knows no age, income or status. Children in every walk of life will die at the hands of a addict. This is not new its been going on the United States In fact, a century ago,there were a quarter of a million Americans addicted to various opiates,including many that are outlawed today. In response, President Woodrow Wilson signed the first major anti drug bill in 1915. Called the Harrison Act, it outlawed heroin and cocaine. That combined with interdiction, treatment, public relations, and public education dramatically reduced drug dependence.
The problems are worse then ever as basic cold medicine is turned into street drugs,doctor prescribed medicine is resold on the streets, it has become a part of our cultural, that is sad. How many people will say they socially drink, it's acceptable drug of choice in the united states and then ask how many lives are destroyed by drunk drivers and how many people are paying fines for a drunk driven charge, Its a lucrative business and in some small communities keeps the local government in business.
I am saddening to think that our own government those that we are responsible for voting into office are responsible for the neglect. Teachers need more money? Will more money make them dedicated? Better teachers? more caring? If we could do one thing today to stop the problems, then I say start with unwanted pregnancies,If we can some how educate,then who will teach morals? and whose morals shall we teach?
You can take a horse to water,but you can't make it drink!!!!!!!!

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