Friday, August 3, 2007

It is in silence that the loudest voices are heard......

I grew up in a era where children were to be " seen and not heard" "spoke only when spoken to"There was reference that children have voices that just aren't heard. I think silent cries go out in many ways. People fail to look or listen. I have heard my whole life how strong I am, I never for a moment felt strong...... It reminded me of the adage " If you act like a victim your a victim." I do believe we are taught early on how to respond to any given situation. Old adages that survive time, do so because they were common thought, that applied to so many. " " Walking on Egg shells" I learned to avoid violence by losing part of my soul....
I meet so many people when I am traveling, but there are always a few that manage to find away to pull at the strings of my heart. Though names come and go, their faces are in bedded in my mind like paintings that don't fade. Sometimes they were individual cries for help, other times just someone reaching out or the infamous saying " need to be heard."
Jessie had this biggest most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, her husband was in prison for beating her, and she lived in fear of the day of his release.... her last words to me were." Don't Forget me " another woman I met no names exchanged said " is it ok If I hug you, as she told the story of raising her three sons alone. The stories go on, but one woman stood out in my mind, age had taken its toll and she showed her years, mother to fifteen children. We talked for a very long time, but it was her eyes that talked to me the most. I saw a depth within her that moved something in me. I saw fear and a over all feeling of tired. I was privileged of meeting her and her husband and as she shared bits of her life with me, I knew the life she had lived. She rejoiced in the lives of her children and she cried for the part of her that never had a chance to surface...... I felt almost an instant bonding with these women, all from various walks of life, all had something in common..... their struggles and their fears.
I questioned many times the path already traveled and the path that lay ahead. Lord what are you thinking, why does life have to be so hard? The years build up to take you to the place your meant to be, without the experience the words are merely someone pre written opinions but not necessarily through the eyes of the people. I am frightened why have you given me this gift to see into people souls and write their words for them? My dearest friend reminds me almost daily of the imperfection of humanity. We are all fighting our own demons and they can show up any time..I find myself on all sides of a rock, days when I want to crawl under it and then those I want to stand on top of it and rejoice in accomplishments, and then there are days where I feel like I am behind pushing and still yet days when I feel in front of it as if that rock is ready to topple over me. You find that there is a network of people who understand and those are not the people who place blame or struggle to stay a float but use the inner strength to rise above and help those who cannot help themselves.
I set up for a big event last night it is in a very culturally diverse community, filled with excitement for the days ahead. Unlike rural areas that seem to separate people, this was different there has to be a broader acceptance of the differences, a mutual respect for one another. I feel the heat of the day already rising and yet I feel a chill. I feel one with the excitement and yet restless... I hardly slept the last few days preparing for the event and I am exhausted.... It made me think of the very first art event I ever did... number one question people would ask what if you don't sell? The treasures in life that we receive as gifts come in many forms.... and rarely are the most precious in a monetary form. I am bit a nervous today, restless and anxious...... what will it hold and who will cross my path and why? I should probably take a nap, but I always think just one more piece to put on display one more set of words, one more picture, one more chance to make a difference, if only for a moment in another persons life....

Though I stumble through life, it is the rise and fall that gives us strength....

No comments:

Translate