Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Apple Don't Fall ar from the Tree...

I have heard this quote many times, " we are not a dysfunctional family, why us?" or "I have several children why this one?" I wanted to address this. Pregnant seven times, each pregnancy extremely unlike the next. There were no similarities at all, other then morning sickness that I had quite a lot of. But as each child was laid to breast, I could sense that new born child's personality. Their aggressiveness to eat or a laid back calmness.
As the children matured many traits in them appeared, as early as kindergarten I could see their future. Each personality forming from
infancy on. Actually I remember telling my sister that my second born could have been her son, his personality was identical to hers. There is a
inherited feature, and then there is the the positioning of line up. The eldest child is always likely to be a high achiever, a parent usually has more time with this child and then the opposite is so for other siblings.So I do believe we have to look at each child as a individual, their strengths and weaknesses. We cannot change the personality of each child,but we can make ourselves aware of the differences. Then we can direct and guide, those particular personalities. The times our children live in are of a high pressuring time with a great need for some to fit in. I find it pretty simple you either are a leader or a follower and rarely do we fall into another category.
It is not to look at your child in judgement but to view their standing in the world. Where do they lean, what traits are strongest. It is true that any family can be subject to alcohol and drug abuse, the only difference is what are you willing to do about it? Are you accepting negative behavior and becoming a family member who encourages ill behavior or are you standing strong and reaching for alternatives to combat and provide choices.
There is only one difference between children who are raised in a dysfunctional family to those who are not and that is basic knowledge, what way can we handle the problems in life?
I have never had alcohol in my household and we lived off the land for herbs and a healthy alternative to the commerical lifestyle Yet still as my sons matured and moved on their own way, they were confronted with alcohol, drugs and the many ways of the world. I remember sending them off to kindergarten and knowing at that time they were going to be introduced to a world much unlike they were raised in.
I remember my son a way at college and writing home the world is not like that " according to mom." We have discussions on what is social drinking and what is not acceptable, and how it very much has to do with individual. And the most important the right to say no, I don't drink thank you. A person can easily abuse food and be over weight, abuse alcohol and be a alcoholic, abuse life and be stagnant.
What do we do and how do we guide? The answer is as individual as each family. Look unto yourself for the answer for that is where you will find
the guidance through love and sometimes some children need just a little more love. Love comes in many ways, it is a strong no, and warm hug and sometimes it is discipline, but it is still love.
A lot of pressure is on a parent and our children, it is not failure nor is it a fault to need help. People are quick to point fingers, but there is only one person you need to answer to and that is the reflection in the mirror.

When you wake up and you look in the mirror and you like what is looking back....then all is right with the world.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Peace or Madness?

In the darkest corners of the mind, we battle was is. Unmolded and awaiting to be transformed ....

Monday, June 18, 2007

Some Say I'm a Dreamer....


A Special Thank You to Pat from Child lost for your support of children without voices. I think of the title of your post" child lost" and I believe as children many of us are lost in many ways. We were taught never to ask the Lord for anything, because he would frown down on that and that the opposite would happen, because to ask would makes up greedy children and The Lord never answered to greed. Before I would go to bed at night, I would ask the Lord for one thing , Make me strong enough that I may help myself and in return help others. For 40 yrs I repeated the same request and to this day....I say Lord help me to be strong enough that I may help myself in order that I may help others.


I never denied that the ten year old in me is alive. At ten years of age we are between a young adult and a child as we view the world through the eyes of the remaining child. Many a summer day did I stare up into the clouds and makes pictures in my mind. I could vision far away lands and this is so funny as I had never had a pizza and I can remember to this day a little boy named Danny saying what do you see in those clouds and I said a Pizza/ I had never a pizza and all the kids would go to the pizza shop to hang out. Ahhh the experiences stand out in your memory, I was seventeen yrs old when I was on my first date and I can still see the shop owner spinning the pizza in the air. Growing up in a sheltered world, but not sheltered from the hell , just from the experiences outside the world that was created for us. I walked through most of life as if tape had sealed over my mouth and voiceless I remained for many a years.

I have this special friend who stands by me in time of crisis and times when my legs are so wobbly I fear to stand up for myself. One day we are gonna drive by and stop in the field and gaze into the clouds and make pictures. That is a promise...

It is not of shame to have a weakness, for human are we and the need for interaction with others is a necessity for growth, for nothing is more of a waste then to stand still in stagnant muddy waters. Step outside and how much clearer the vision will be...years back I was on the phone having a conversation with my then confident and I said I am afraid, and the response was "welcome to the real world." Fear is a natural emotion that is placed in our survival kit, but we have to make sure that we don't under use or over use any particular emotion for that will either give us the flotation device to make it to shore or a anchor to drown in the roughest of waters.
In the clouds I see so many things......... an escape, hope, desires, dreams and much, much more.
  • Child Lost
  • Sunday, June 17, 2007

    Fathers Day

    We can thank Hallmark for continuing to support guilt ridden holidays. It is not that I hold anger in my heart,nor allow bitterness close to my soul, nor that I cannot overcome or let go of the past.The future becomes the past and we are in the drivers seat when it comes to what path we shall journey. As I thought of my father, I was filled with mixed emotion... the child who felt both the arms of love and the hand of anger, the voice of song and words of hate.


    Happy Fathers Day Pappa!
    If this be my judgement, what be thy crime?
    ~~~

    Friday, June 15, 2007

    Friends

    myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

    When I was reaching you were reaching back.

    The Journey

    If taken the scenario, loss of jobs, illness and a blurb of negativity and place it into several different families. How does each survive the situation depends on how they were taught to handle the stresses of life. Options, what are our options? How do we react? What time frame do we have to work with.
    I believe our youth plays a greater part on how we deal with life. Family support is a crucial element of stability and guidance that leads us to make proper choices. Invisible barriers that retain the spirit and block conscious thought. I never thought marrying outside ones faith and culture would complicate life. The United States has been known to be the melting pot, where we all come together. Though I believe like minds and spirit come from inside, the conditions with which we are raised play a part in our mental outlook. The anger is not always from the unity of couple but the lack of acceptance from extended family members.
    In times of deep confusion is when family should be strengthened, I find it is the opposite, more like the weak threads are broken, leaving major holes for us to fall through.Controlling partners, some call it old school, ethnic related and sometimes just the insecurity that one partner has that they pierce anger at their own partner when down.
    The years have gone by quickly and at times I feel as if there is black drape over many days, but as I look back I see how choices mapped the future.
    In many instances I believe that we are on this path to experience, and the progression of both good and bad experiences is a gathering of information to explore all possibilities for a future means of prevention.

    Old adages maintain their place through history, as they are based on life experience. For the sin is not in making a mistake, but in maintaining repetitive negative behavior. If we fail to learn from mistakes, then we become “ a part of the problem, not the solution.” This track through life is to gather as many experiences as possible and leave behind a more clearer path for our children to journey on.


    “Lord why have you abandoned me? My child I have not abandoned you ,it as this time I carried you.” I don't ask to be carried Lord, but to feel your strength beside me, walk with me, guide me.

    I hold the pen, he writes the words..

    Tuesday, June 12, 2007

    Recipe for War

    The Pen is Mightier then the Sword.


    To stop the battle of mankind we must first understand the making of a war. The ingredients that go into War are simple.

    1.We need hatred, hatred is the bloom of ignorance
    2. Revenge instilled in humans from early on “ an eye for a eye”
    3. Power, we must have weak minded people who cannot think so they may follow blindly the few who think they can.
    4.Greed and excessive desire of ownership and control , the “ grass is always greener”

    The ignorance of many breed the power of the few, for revenge leads us all down the road of damnation and the greed will destroy not a few but all. We all breathe the same air, drink the same water and eat the foods harvested from the same earth. Our hell has yet to begin.

    ~

    Feel the suns rays upon your face, and sift the soil of earth through your hands, these are our greatest gifts. For no amount of power, vengeance or greed can own the beauty of the world. It is our beginning and it shall be our end.

    Mans Worst Enemy...

    As I look back over the last forty years my greatest disappointment with the world as a whole is that as far as we have come, we have not come far at all.
    We try to teach children to have respect, to not be violent and yet great nations do not have respect and continue to be violent. I don't believe that we are following some great prophecy, I think that power corrupts the intelligence of man.
    It has been said many times that "History repeats itself" for that alone I am filled with great sadness. Instinct or not animals know more about the world around them then most people. I have been up at 5 am each morning and darkness is still heavy upon the hills. Yet in the black of early morn the sounds of a symphony welcome the sunrise, as the birds joyfully sing to the light of day.
    In Unity we become one with nature, in battle we all fall.

    Monday, June 11, 2007

    Love...

    'myspace
    A babe in arms ask for so little...they are the magical gift of life.

    When is discipline abuse?

    Someone googled my blog under the words" going to bed without dinner child abuse." The responsibility of a parent is to provide shelter, food, clothing and Love and also discipline when deemed necessary. I do believe sending a child to bed without dinner is abusive. My children's father liked to punish the children when they didn't finish their chores with the statement. " Are you worthy of eating dinner" Yes they are worthy, they are worthy of love and care the day I brought them into this world. It is the responsibility of parents to provide the essential needs in life. I could not stand by and allow him to treat his own children as if they were second class citizens.
    Yes children need to be given guide lines they are by all means children and we their first teachers. Teaching them responsibility, with chores that are suitable for their ages. In a larger family everyone pitches in to help a household run smoothly.
    My father said " do as I say not as I do" but we know very well that children learn best from example. Preaching does very little good if the children view nothing but negativity . The first lesson to children on the word hypocrite.
    1.
    a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
    2.
    a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements


    But isn't that how many people have been raised. They are taught in school that drugs are bad and Alcohol is a drug and yet it accepted as the societal norm. Most people indeed go through life having a social drink without problems, but so many more families are disrupted by it. I would say it destroys more families then we would like to admit.

    Though many schools today are teaching "family care programs" but unfortunately no greater lesson then those from a childs own parents. I am a firm believer that if a child needs help then the family needs help. Though one can reach out to improve their life on their own, it is much
    helpful that those who are involved in each situation seek to learn and improve it together. Idealist ..... maybe.

    From as far back as I can remember I wanted to runaway , even as an adult I had visions of running away. Until one day I realized that no matter where you go or how far, the demons will follow. I learned to face the demons not live with them, nor allow them control over my life and yet there are days I would love to pack it up and runaway and start anew.

    There are many ways to discipline children, to educate them , to get their attention. Time out, explaining the facts, even taking away a luxury... as todays children have way to many electronic toys from, cell phones, video games , tv's etc. Discipline is to draw attention to a unsatisfactory behavior, to teach the children that there are alternative behaviors.

    Love and respect go hand and hand, you give it unconditionally and it returns to you ten fold.

    Bloom....

    I worked a very depressed location this weekend. I called it a reality check to the low middle class. People were opening up with so many personal stories. A few stood out in my mind. Total strangers reaching
    out and expressing their most inner thoughts. Those emotions that are many times kept buried.

    One woman, I didn’t get a name she was moved by what she read, I felt a sadness as I watched her several times wipe away the tears. I had hoped my words would bring comfort and not stir the emotion of sadness. For me writing was my survival, my escape from reality.

    There is a old expression “ you are the company you keep.” I thought about the situations we are thrust into at times, yes, many are dependent upon our own choices, still so much is due to circumstances. The importance of that particular expression is that we are vulnerable to the people around us.
    A friend said to me several years back "doubt and fear plays a role in how fast or how well or how far we continue to strive and grow. A good mentor once told me that in order to maintain strength and diligence one must be around strong and positive people. for the negative will drain us surely as a short in a wiring will drain a battery, taking all the positive charge and grounding in to the frame of the vehicle. "

    I looked at my present situation, the people around me and the differences in our outlook on life.I found their negativity draining my energy. As much as I wanted to help, help comes to those who ask. I looked at my alternatives, I found that through out my life there has only been two to fight or die. I found a piece I wrote a couple of years back , It was at the beginning of my fight to live.

    I had questioned the limit of time that our physical being has in exploring the gifts with which nature showers upon us. The soil rich in nutrients at my finger tips. The garden indeed blessing us with lessons . The flowers seeded , grow stronger with the warmth of the sun and the hint of rain which allows its roots to grow deeper into the earth. Set to bloom the garden threaten by storms that repeatedly conjure up an array of destruction. Beat down continuously the weak not able to overcome the elements allows for the strongest to hold on reaching once more for the sun .
    Shall I allow the storms of life to continuously badger the heart . I say not, as I look into the heavens and feel the suns rays warm against my face. I am once again filled with an awakening that challenges my soul to grow, to bloom, to give back all that has been seeded from the time of birth. The lack of nutrients, such as love and warmth , caring and understanding had gone the way of the storm. Replaced with the nourishment of a new beginning. Life gives us a repeated chances to bloom . I shall not look away but accept the gift that was given. Weakened at the roots the stem threaten, forces a bloom. Once compared to a weakened flower, the love , the caring the warmth felt has strengthened the inner being and I flourish amongst the storms of life blooming once more.
    The importance in sharing, was in my notion that we are capable of reinventing ourselves it is called survival and that will get us through today.....as I tell myself I will make it through today and I will conquer tomorrow.

    Tuesday, June 5, 2007

    War


    'myspace
    If we can have a world war,
    then it is possible to have
    world peace.



    I was at a event Saturday, the weather was absolutely beautiful, hot like the summers I remember as a child with a warm breeze. Many people complained of the heat and I said enjoy it soon, very soon you will again be complaining of the cold.

    A woman who took a liking to one of my poems on display, asked if she
    could pay by check? I said sure, she was so insistent upon giving me Id and such. I said no worry in all the years that I have done these shows, I have never had any problems. Oops as the saying goes "knock on wood". But the truth is, there is way more good then bad in the world, but like sleeping lambs,we lay very quiet in the world, with a lot less recognition then troubled souls.

    History had never had a impact on me as a child in school, I must say I felt distant from it. I could not relate nor place myself in the times and places that had gone before us. As I aged I found a greater appreciation
    for History. As the world becomes our big backyard I can see our neighbors that were once so far away become very close. I am troubled many times as I read and listen to actual biographies and stories of war, betrayals, hatred and greed. These negative traits of humans existed in us from the beginning of time.


    As I looked back at the first time I felt distant from people in general, I was at the magical age of ten. I call it my first time of awakening, where I understand humanity and all its strengths and weaknesses. As time goes on I am not sure I am so different as at times those of us who see and understand are so quiet. For most likely we are not the aggressors.
    The Egyptians have proved many things by their tombs and embalming, "you can't take it with you".All the greed, the hatred, the betrayal is useless after earth. I have always looked at the world around us and our position as caretakers of the world.We are given a job to care for a piece of land until the next generation takes over.


    What useless emotions do we allow to control our thoughts, our actions? In the tribal era where it was common place to have your warriors, there was no rules to war. They murdered, raped and tortured innocent women and children, and so goes the violent gene to be carried on in future generations of people. Betrayal of innocence makes ye not a warrior, but a fool in warriors clothes, for their is no dignity in the display of hatred of one human being upon another.
    ~~
    My dream is to see the money that is put into wars and weapons placed into medical,education and space travel, for war holds us back to the times of ignorance and reaching forward keeps us growing , gives us hope and a future. We give to a few the power to lead and I say are they
    and should they be given so much power? For I don't see better for mankind but more of the same. I see it as the middle class gets deeper into debt to make ends meet a semblance to the McCarthy era, where times were good for a few and the separation of a class of people was never stronger.Education should be free to those willing to learn, not a step in to debt. The world changes only when we change. Then again, the old adage rings true "History repeats itself ", that in itself is enough to cause great concern.
    We may be lambs in the world of violence,
    but Lions to lead in the land of peace.
    ~
    Raise not a hand in anger,
    yet leery are we who walk
    through life blinded. I
    stand to defend peace,
    with love, thy weapon
    of choice.


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