Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Death the most complicated of all issues in our life to deal with. I looked on as my father will be celebrating his 80th birthday. Many of years filled with the violent attempts upon his life and yet with all the violence, here he is soon to be 80 yrs old. I find myself trying to understand as I thought back to a phone call with my son. Three young men 20 and 21 yrs old chilling out , celebrating in life and looking ahead to the future. I had met each of the boys several times, and the one I am not using his real name, I called him Brandon.... he called me, wanted me to find work in the fashion industry for him, we talked almost four hours on that phone that night, his father wanted him to be a brick layer and a brick layer he became. He was gorgeous in todays standards, tall, youthful with that chiseled look to his face. He said I like to sketch clothing, I would model for you in a heart beat. At the time I was neither looking to branch out into mens clothing nor in need for a male model. That evening I learned allot about him, his passion and all that was hidden deep inside. A rural area pretty much set in their ways, didn't allow for growth and passion to find a place to flourish. This town has heavy walls that only those that dare to dream hit into.
My son seemed upset on the phone, what's wrong I said? Brandon is dead. At first I felt a little guilt maybe I didn't reach out enough to help or maybe I could have made a difference in his life. Brandon had a back injury, didn't have medical insurance and was taking pain medication prescribed for someone else. He died quickly without a second chance from the mixture of alcohol and morphine. Twenty two years old and his life is ended... my son continues to visit his grave, as the guilt of not making a difference in a friends life is overwhelming at times.
We talked about life and I noticed his attitude changing, his views on God and death. When we are dead we are dead he said, like a cat or a dog. He said Brandon is gone, like shooting a deer for dinner, it's over. He questioned his faith and God. Where was God to intervene and give him a second chance? I had no real answers for his questions, it was his time son, I said.
There is a saying that we use an awful lot when we are caught in the middle of an unjust situation. "what goes around comes around" Sooner or later everyone gets their turn......


Matty said...

That is really sad! I'm glad you were there for him the night he wanted to talk of his dreams and goals. I'm happy he felt comfortable confiding in you.
Last week when I went to church the sermon was all about not taking people for granted. Here today and gone tomorrow. Treat everyone as if it was their last day on earth and act as if it was your last one. It was a beautiful sermon as always.
It is always hardest on the youngest to face death, especially that of someone so young...their friend.
I hope your son realizes that there was absolutely nothing he could have done to change fate. It might be cruel to say we all have an 'expiration date'....if it's your be it.
I wish your son strength to get over his friends death. Life can be so cruel at times!

pat said...

My heart goes out to your son. Losing a life at such a young age is so pointless. In the course of my son's addiction, I have seen several young lives taken before their time. Each time "someone else" died of a drug overdose, I felt frighten that my son was next. While some live while others die is one of those life's mystery we never understand.