Friday, July 20, 2007

Love is not ownership

It is very difficult to see the rise of the water
when it's over your head.
~~
If you have ever looked at the worst situation you were ever in, surrounded by negativity you find that you see very few choices. As you step outside the perimeters of the mental curtains that block view, you find that your eyes focus and a clearer picture of the situation surfaces. When we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and brought down to a level of confusion, we find that the struggle is nothing more then treading in rough waters, quickly we tire.
Denial is a cruel little tool that emotion uses to avoid the inevitable. We clearly see our choices but we allow a barricade of bricks to build up around us. What is it we fear most? "What do we fear but fear itself." I find when two people are viewing life on a different plateau, that hope and faith must be redirected. If they choose to stand idle in the center of a storm, no amount of reaching will pull their partner to safe shelter. I found this to be interesting, I read it many years back " when a person enters into a relationship with the hope to change their partner, either one of two things happen, they fail and realize that no amount of coaxing can change or encourage a person to grow, unless they also want it or they succeed in bringing change on their partner just to watch them walk away." Either way walking into a relationship thinking you can bring about change in another rarely ever works.
I found this story a couple of years back about a women who was strong enough to walk away and counsel many women in abusive situations, only to be murdered by her x husband. We use to think it was a Pennsylvania problem, men who think marriage is ownership and the more I read, the more people I talk with the more I see it is a world wide problem. If you have a chance view the story http://efstew.tripod.com/Rachel.html

It is called respect you cannot have a partnership without mutual respect for one and other.
Trust just as important, without trust you have already fallen off the first step of a good relationship. Anytime fear enters a relationship for any reason, it becomes a warden and prisoner. I thought to myself why would anyone want a person who doesn't want to be there.
Life with out smiles, joy and happiness. I might be a bit Idealistic but as short as life is if you cannot be happy then you are already dead.
I have been there, where I felt dead, just a spectacle of a mere existence. Living the life someone else deem to be the path I follow. When I looked at myself, I barely recognized who I had become. Someone's mother another's wife and a huge part of me was dead.

3 comments:

pat said...

Wow. This is very powerful.

Living the life someone else deem to be the path I follow. When I looked at myself, I barely recognized who I had become. Someone's mother another's wife and a huge part of me was dead.

Before my divorce this is exactly how I felt. Thanks for the post.

Matty said...

Great post. One day I had a black eye from the man who promised to love and cherish me. Somebody asked me if it hurt when I received it. I replied, No, it only hurt for a 2nd...what really hurt was when I looked in the mirror...and saw what I had become. Now........that hurts!

Anonymous said...

I find it that the most intelligent and beautiful women are those most likely to be in an abusive or controlled situation.. it is their spirit that is imprisoned. There was something Matty said many post ago, that sometimes people bring out or feed off of the different personalities and that her x had found somebody who he couldn't control him, I think there is a lot to the matching up of personalities. That if they can get a wait with robbing a woman of herself esteem they will continue to do so..... It is so sad that this is so common in so many walks of life, that It sickens me. How can anyone profess to love and hurt physically and emotionally those that trusted them the most...It must be a true sickness.
Once I was told that If I left he would cut me up into tiny little pieces and spread my body parts over the mountains where no one would find me .....is this Love?

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