My father called it discipline, I believe he stepped over the line. Sadistic he was, as he created new ways to carry out this so called discipline. From the razor straps, to his bored holed paddle. At night time when we were all snuggled under the tic blankets that my mother made, we would talk, tell stories and yes sometimes laugh and giggle. Then the voice of thunder “did I say quiet up there?” Then we would count as we heard his foot steps one by one, they had a sound of their own, a kind of slide step, slide step. We quickly pulled the blankets over our head. He called my eldest sister first and then each of us by name, line up. Sometimes beatings seem to have no obvious reasons. He would blame us for my mothers mood swings. It was always our fault.
It wasn’t that my sisters didn’t try to get away, many times they ran away, only to be returned to receive the most outrageous punishments and whippings. I thought I was
granted this special place in the line up the fourth born in a family of five. You didn’t have to tell me twice, I became the pleaser, silent, I dared not rebel. Though it is
common in children to think of running away.
I think how far I traveled alone at such a young age. I remember this one house we lived in, it was fairly close to a television tower. I wanted to see it up close a couple city blocks and a full set of city steps away. I was seven years old and I began to walk, I can remember the unfamiliarity with this walk, but I had that tower in sight and I was determined to get there. It was such a big tower I remember thinking, must be special. Finally at the top of last city step, I looked around at a few cars parked and this huge tower, it didn’t seem so special. Nothing particular was going on. I circled it a few times and then headed back.
I will say most of life I had this feeling of wanting to runaway, until I accepted that no
matter how far you travel, you take this old heavy luggage with you. Piece by piece I
began to review, comprehend as a adult, what a child viewed and tossing out the old, and
replacing it with new memories.
Someone to watch over you..... angels appear through many a disguise.